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Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

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Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by Love_Me on Fri Jul 06, 2012 5:49 am




LINDZI COX ("The Bachelor" Season 16, Ben Flajnik)


Lindzi has not been heard from since she was rejected by Ben Flajnik on that fateful day. She was heartbroken and buried herself in work and her passion, horses. But, Lindzi is determined to move on. She does not care for anyone that gossips and is ready to compete for money and love.


Last edited by Love_Me on Wed Oct 10, 2012 3:19 am; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by Love_Me on Fri Jul 06, 2012 5:50 am


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Kalon

Post by Love_Me on Fri Jul 06, 2012 6:11 am




KALON MCMAHON ("The Bachelorette" Season 8, Emily Maynard)

Kalon was the villain on Emily's season, but at least he was honest. Maybe Kalon is not ready to settle down, but he is ready to dominate those inferior to him. He will charm the women, he will compliment the men, and he will go all the way to the end just to keep the money all to himself. Plus, he is frenemies with Erica Rose.

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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by Love_Me on Fri Jul 06, 2012 6:12 am


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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by Tattina on Fri Jul 06, 2012 6:13 pm

CULTUREMAP EXCLUSIVE

Kalon McMahon opens up on Bachelor Pad, his tabloid dispute with Erica Rose and villain life

By Tyler Rudick
07.06.12 | 10:40 am

After dealing with months of negative press, Houston reality star Kalon Joseph Reid McMahon tells CultureMap that he feels vindicated since wrapping up his time on Bachelor Pad 3 — the elimination-style spin-off of The Bachelorlette franchise that returns to ABC on July 23.

"Seriously, it was like night and day compared to being on The Bachelorette," McMahon says. "There's no central character or plot line to the Bachelor Pad, so it's not as manufactured. The show focuses on different people throughout the entire series, rather than on one specific person."

After his much-discussed departure from this season's Bachelorette, "one specific person" named Emily Maynard does come to mind, especially considering her remarks in the wake of discovering McMahon would be living in the Bachelor Pad house.

"The fact Kalon will ever be on any TV [show] again makes me want to stab my eyeballs out with dull pencils," Maynard tweeted when Entertainment Weekly revealed the cast in June. She noted that she wouldn't be tuning in, either.

"Sorry I'm not sorry," McMahon retorted via Twitter this week. "However, I have never been this excited for Halloween!" Attached is a picture of child dressed as a No. 2 pencil.

Keeping in line with his infamous helicopter arrival on episode one of The Bachelorette, McMahon pull ups up to the Bachelor Pad house in a Porsche convertible in the first episode (a rented Porsche convertible, according to Entertainment Weekly).

Knowing reality TV gold when they see it, Bachelor Pad producers added Chris Bukowski — the recently-eliminated Bachelorette contestant who ratted out McMahon for referring to Emily Maynard's daughter as "baggage" — to the Pad lineup.

Also included in the Bachelor Pad house will be Houston's other reality TV star Erica Rose, who spent the better part of the spring splitting her time studying for the California bar exam and bad-mouthing McMahon.

"I have a unique history with Erica Rose," McMahon explains. "We're on OK terms now, but we're not really friends — especially after she sold that story to Star magazine about an ex-girlfriend of mine who also happens to be friends with her. The whole thing was kind of tacky, but she apologized about it."

In the Star magazine story, Rose charges that McMahon duped and lied to Houston law student Lauren Serice, only to dump her for a shot at reality TV fame.

Regardless of hurdles he faced on this new Bachelor Pad, McMahon said his experience on the show has been nothing but positive and hinted that he made it relatively far in the competition.

"People in the Bachelor Pad house had a specific idea of who I was after seeing The Bachelorette, but after living with them for a day or so they started apologizing and saying things like 'We feel terrible that we felt that way.' In the end, we all got along well and I made some great friends," McMahon says.

"You couldn't have planned it better."

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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by mnmhughes on Fri Jul 06, 2012 6:37 pm

Lindzi is so pretty! Why does she make such bad dating choices?

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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by Tattina on Fri Jul 06, 2012 6:43 pm

"mnmhughes wrote:
Lindzi is so pretty! Why does she make such bad dating choices?


LMAO! Must have been something in the BP3 Koolaid she was consuming that drew her to Kalon!!! :koolaid

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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by jelle on Fri Jul 06, 2012 7:28 pm

I think Kalon deserves the benefit of doubt. He was cast as Erica Rose II and it seems was eilling to play the part. He hated being on the show and did whateve he could to get off > lots of negative drama (as cast)

We know he was raised by a single mother. I am not sure, other than a strange titles career, we know much more. If Lindzi likes him for the shot term no idea

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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by mnmhughes on Fri Jul 06, 2012 8:06 pm

@jelle wrote:I think Kalon deserves the benefit of doubt. He was cast as Erica Rose II and it seems was eilling to play the part. He hated being on the show and did whateve he could to get off > lots of negative drama (as cast)

We know he was raised by a single mother. I am not sure, other than a strange titles career, we know much more. If Lindzi likes him for the shot term no idea

I understand how editing works, but that doesn't explain his behavior after the show -- bashing Emily to a reporter and then posting disparaging pics on Twitter as well as selling merchandise about "baggage." He's a little too happy to extend his 15 minutes.

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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by Tattina on Fri Jul 06, 2012 8:14 pm

"mnmhughes wrote:
"jelle wrote:
I think Kalon deserves the benefit of doubt. He was cast as Erica Rose II and it seems was eilling to play the part. He hated being on the show and did whateve he could to get off > lots of negative drama (as cast)

We know he was raised by a single mother. I am not sure, other than a strange titles career, we know much more. If Lindzi likes him for the shot term

I understand how editing works, but that doesn't explain his behavior after the show -- bashing Emily to a reporter and then posting disparaging pics on Twitter as well as selling merchandise about "baggage." He's a little too happy to extend his 15 minutes.


Regarding the bolded above, I agree. His childish actions after the show have been hard to make me want to have a positive opinion about him. I am sure he is plotting in saying or doing something at the MTA that will extend his reality fame further to get his name in the press.

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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by Guest on Fri Jul 06, 2012 8:19 pm

This is something Kalon wrote about a trip to LA. RS had posted a link to it on his blog awhile back. It's on facebook. I have not read it all because it is too long, but I read enough of it unfortunately! I don't know how long ago this was written...

The city… LA. My soundtrack … Cut Copy & Kid cudi.

Imagine a trip so crazy that you don't even spend a single night in the luxury hotel room you paid for… The Roosevelt was sexy, but I could only manage enough time there to change clothes and brush my teeth. Lets take it from the top. I take the obnoxiously early flight out of Houston hobby and manage to land @ 9am. Listing to the voice in my head as I wait for by bags I convince myself the time zones had actually allowed me to time travel. Left Houston at 7 and arrive in la at 9 after a 3 hr flight… how is that not time travel?

Anyways my friend cary picks me up in his prius… awesome car by the way super shiek in la. As long as you have good music… Everyone drives with their widows down at all times here and I love it. The weather and the city are equally infectious. Its January, its 75 degrees out, and not a cloud in the sky. Witin 17 seconds of being in the car I proclaim to cary "I am moving here" just as I'm sure every tourist fresh of the boat does, but I convince us both I am genuine and actually mean it. Hey, if you can convincingly lie to yourself you can do anything…

First things first, cary and I get high and I enjoy the drive down the 405 through bev hills and up into the hills. All you see is beautiful people, lots of billboards, and exotic cars. Carys living situation is a special one… he lives in a 3 million dollar Spanish mini castle with 4 other people… A porn producer, a Victoria secret model, and two model/actors (that's what everyone is here). They tell me they have an open guest house… Again I tell cary I am moving here (not the last time). Carey changes clothes and we head back down the hill. At this point I realize that carey is the worst driver in the world. I am getting nasious… He texts, chain smokes, and dj's this fuel efficient death trap all while stearing with his knee… I tell him I need to get out of the car so we grab a coffe at earth café (as seen on entourage) Cary thinks I am impressed by this kind of stuff but I tell him if I am moving here I want to experience real la not stupid tourist destinations. Once I taste my smoothie I realize this place is actually amazing and I apologize for calling cary cheesy. At this point cary gets a call from his agent and discovers he has a call back for a nokia commercial. Forgot to mention he is also one of those actor/models. I guess I also neglected to even mention how I know cary sorry… We partied for a week straight for spring break in Acapulco my jr year of college with 20 arizona girls (previous equally hilarious chapter) Anyways, cary has to go to his callback in a few hrs so we decided to go check me into the Roosevelt. Pulling in I realize this hotel is equally sexy to any girl I have ever been with and like them I can already tell I wont want to ever pull out… I check in and they give me a cabana room over looking the pool. life is good… cary and I have lunch and a few cocktails by the pool all while discussing how perfectly cary thinks I would fit in here. Everyone keeps telling me I have the look… I really wish I understood what that even meant? Cary finally leaves so I reside to a poolside bed to read tucker max, jam my ipod, and text every girl I know in town to inform them I have arrived… I love this game. Its never first come first serve… I text everyone to gauge the potential of the night then weigh my options. Survival of the fittest I think is the scientific term. So this introduces our cast of potential characters. First is the "friend of a friend" set up from a friend in Houston that im not really friends with funny. Usually this is a last resort bc I am not one for blind dates bc of my obnoxioyusly high standards that I love to remind everyone of. "I only **** supermodels" comes out of my mouth frequently when im drunk. Hey **** one model you get a little cocky… **** two models you can convince yourself you are capable of anything… even writing a book about it (cut to me writing). I digress… her name is Nicole (several times this trip I will accidently call her Natalie, even introduce her to a table of drunk people as Natalie, but I always apologized) she responds to my text (which I have records of and will provide at a later time) She has 2 "hot" friends and would like to have din at the Roosevelt hotel around 830ish. I say perfect bc it requires the least amount of effort on my part and I have convinced myself that I never want to leave this awesome hotel and since I don't know the city I shouldn't stray far… Ha just wait till I abandon this misconception. I am usually pretty smooth with the ladies but these were la girls that I knew nothing about other than what my Houston friend told me which was little. All she said was Nicole was very nice and super wealthy (dad started home shoping network) I begin to get a little intimidated and decide I should use the next 4 hours before din to get super drunk so I will be super friendly. Like I said lie to yourself and you can do anything.. after a 200 drink tab by the pool I decide I need to take a shower to sober up and decide what to wear in this super hipster scene… Jamming my music in my little cabana I dance around to techno in my underware checking out how good I look in the wall mirror behind the bed telling myself how cool it is going to be watching myself in that same mirror as I bang some local hottie I pick up at the club. Little did I know I would see the inside of this room for maybe a total of an hr for the rest of my trip. I must have been really drunk bc I find myself ironing a shirt and I never iron. I couldn't believe it I was actually nervous and wanted to impress a girl I didn't even know. Crazy how optimistic the mind can be. I finally decide on a super shiek jacket and slak combo as opposed to the casual hipster look that overwhelmed the lobby. Tonight I wear my glasses and cary tells me I look like a European model. Moral is high and we are going hunting… I see a group of 3 attractive girls at the bar and figure this must be them. Naturally I walk up to the most attractive of the three being the optimistic person I am and in my most sexy voice grab her arm and softly ask "Nicole?" How did you know she screams! This is going to be easier than I thought… She is genuinely impressed I took 1/3 chance and was right ha. I buy everyone drinks at the bar and they card cary (wont be the last time) then we sit in the celeb booth in the corner where no one can really see us. Best table in the house… Dinner goes well… we are all talking so much the waiter brings us three rounds of drinks before we can even stop talking to actually look at the menu to order. I was so easy to talk to bc all I have to do is tell them I want to move to la and im looking for a job while im here and then they spend the next hr telling me how won derful the city is, who they know that can give me a job, and once a gain that I have the "look" and could totally make it here. We disc uss how jews run the town and I explain I am jew-ish everyone laughs. I say im going to wear a star of david necklace and buy a prius and will be running Hollywood short of sixs months… more laughter I love girls that make you feel like a stand up comedian. We drink more and discover these girls like to get high. Nothing better than classy girls that love to get high.. something about a girl in cristian loubuitones smoking a joint that gets me. I pay for the 400$ dinner and act like its no big deal knowing that my grandmother is going to kick my ass… but hey im in la and its all about the image. We all go back to my room over looking the pool and they immediately go into the bathroom together to do whatever it is they do in there. Meanwhile cary and I take this opportunity to discuss which one we each want to ****… we are both fairly apathetic at this point and decide we will give it some more time. Cary rolls a joint of his medical marijuana which is so ridiculous and I show off my lightermate that Michael had given me and they are so captivated. By this point they think I am the most interesting man in the world… not that old guy from the stupid beer commercials. Cary gets a phone call from a hotter girl he has been jamming and bails on me to go to her house. Normally a huge party foul but I was so on tonight I was confident I could handle all 3 on my own. We walk to teddys all 3 girls on my arm. They are closed for a private concert but they give one look to me and my 3 deep entourage and ask "is it just you 4?" I nod and the velvet rope parts. I guess I do have the look… walking in I am again overwhelmed by the hipster scene. I am kind of surprised by the juxtapostion of styles between the club and the people in it. Teddys was honestly one of the sexiest clubs I have ever been in so I expected the people to be the same. Quickly the girls explain it is never like this and it must be because of the concert. We grab drinks at the bar I order the only thing I ever drink goose n tonic. The people watching is endlessly entertaining. I let the girls buy this time bc they insist. As these characters walk buy I imitate what I think their voice might sound like and what they are thinking. I am building a fan club with these girls. Suddenly a familiar voice… It's the black guy from American idol I yell drunkenly. Of course my luck a black girl right in front of me turns and says you mean randy Jackson? I apologize for being politically incorrect and return to the bar for another free drink. A few minutes later the band which everyone was there to see finally starts. They are amazing… imagine the roots with a sm >> oking hot girl on vocals with the sexiest voice I have ever heard. I was in love. We get a table for the duration of the set when Nicole gets a text from one of her friends that everyone is going to this club called bardot (produnced with a French accent like Bardeaux) Nicole says we must go so I can meet the rest of her girlfriends… check please. We cab it to bardot and the bouncer at the door looks like dave Navarro on crack. I know imagine that! Huge black fur coat and eye liner. His poor family… my all female entourage doubles and I cant wait to roll right past the dave Navarro cover band with my ladies. He stops me ask ask if I have a reservation. Are you ******** kidding me? According to cary I look like a euopean model with 6 girls and you want me to pump the breaks? After the normal bs club dialogue we all get in. He just wanted to stare at my chicks longer and feel like he had some sort of power. Walking up the stairs of another sexy club One of nicoles friends grabs my arm and says kalon omg you look like such a pimp (inner dialogue I am so moving here). One of their friends has a table so we sit and have more drinks. The music and people finally look familiar… I like this place. As I sip my 12th goose n tonic of the night I start to size up the group and try to determine which girl I want to pursue. Its not like this in Houston… usually there is one hot girl at the table and every guy is after her. In la I am the minority surrounded by beautiful women. I love this place. Before I can even determine top 5 this Nicole girl was sitting in my lap and instigated an intense make out session. Now normally im not a huge fan of pda (unless its with a supermodel) but I was they new guy in town and just went with the flow. Immidiately I was made aware of the heirarchy of the group. Nicole was obviously the leader and she had just marked her territory. I rather her have peed on me to do so bc now none of the other girls would flirt back with me. I was spoken for. **** what had I done? Nicole was cool but by far not the hottest of the tribe. I drink more to convince mysef this is ok and before I know it its 2am and the bar is closing. During this time Nicole's friend had also found a boytoy and Nicole wants the 4 of us to go back to her place to get high. I'm drunk and from out of town so I don't object. I quickly realize the hunter has become the prey. I get the feeling they do this a lot… we arrive at her house listening to the scarface soundtrack all the way up the hill…straight out of the 80's. we pull up and I am in awe. Her house is ******** amazing and im not easily impressed. I could see myself living here. Suddenly she becomes much more attractive. We smoke a bowl in her back yard cabana which looks like it belongs next to the pool at the Roosevelt… very shiek and sexy. She grabs me by the arm and says lets go to my room. Shit… im really going to have to do this. I feel like such a manslut… do I deal with the inconvinience of calling a cab or sleep with a girl I really don't want to in exchange for a close comfortable bed. I am a lazy person so I go with the later. She turns out to be a lady in the street but a freak in the sheets… we finish finally and she says wow that was amazing and to think when I met you I thought you were gay (cue brake sound effect). Are you ******** kidding me? I demand she elaborates! She says that bc I was so well dressed and easy to talk to she thought I might be gay. I convince myself it's a compliment (remember what I said about lying to yourself) and try to fall asleep. Its now 5 am and my first interview (my excuse for coming to la) is in 9hrs…

I woke up to something tickleing my cock… great she is going to try to sneak in some morning love, but now I am sober and try to pretend to sleep. I think in my head of that quote "I may be drunk but you are ugly and tomorrow ill be sober but you will still be ugly." I laugh out loud to myself so she knows I'm not asleep ****. I roll over only to find she is not next to me hmmmm that's weird. I look down and find a miniture pot belly pig in between my naked legs trying to eat my sausage… ironic I know. I immediately jump out of bed. I was not made aware of any pet pig the night before. Ladies it is usually polite to disclose any morning after information that may be helpful when waking up in a foreign atmosphere. Laughing to myself at the irony of the pig wake up call as my breakfast in bed, I find my underware and stumble to the kitchen looking for water. Half naked At the bottom of the stairs I encounter her Mexican maid. I say the first thing that comes to mind being from texas, "Hola, donde esta Nicole?" She responds in english with a look of disgust "in the kitchen." Wow I have managed to offend two races since I have been in la… going for the racist trifecta. Gotta love the akward morning after conversation… sooo should I call a cab? She insists she will give me a ride back to the Roosevelt. I did have an interview in 4hrs on the other side of town. Time to start my day. I get dressed say adios to the maid and we get in her range rover. Im jealous, we have the same car, but she has cooler rims. I tell her i am impressed. She drops me off in front of the Roosevelt, it has been a while since I have done the walk of shame but I walked it like a pro. Shit, shower, shave, and I try to prepare myself for this interview. In all reality its my first "real" interview with someone who isn't a family friend so I tried to take it seriously. But I knew I was interviewing with a woman and she had a hot voice on the phone so I wasn't too stressed. I cab it to my interview and just as I expected she is kind of hot. Asian, but cute. It was a very casual and relaxed interview. I actually felt overdressed in my open collar black label suit, but I never feel more confident then when I am in a tailored suit. I was so ******** money… but I knew it. We chat and she welcomes me to la and assures me they will find a role for me within the company to help facilitate my move. I really impressed my self. I sealed the deal, my first real interview, after getting drunk and sleeping with a complete stranger and waking up to a pig… I also managed to land a job. I l ove it when I manage to even impress myself. I was ready to celebrate… However everyone I knew in town was busy for the next few hours so for the first time of my trip I was on my own. My good friend Jonathan Shok had overnighted me the keys to his house in west hollywood so I thought I would check out of the Roosevelt and take all my luggage to his house. Once there I realized his apt, while very nice, was a model for the rest of the building so no sheets, towels, or tv! I was going to have to enteratin myself… I changed out of my suit, put in my ipod, and went searching for the first restaurant I could find bc I was starving. Shok lives just down the st from santa monica blvd so I headed that way. I came to a place called hamburger marys. They were completely empty but a burger sounded good and I could sit outside so I grabbed a table. Immediately I noticed everyone was so nice. I ordered and people watched… when my waiter brought me my food he went out of his way to keep touching my shoulder and asking if I needed anything at all… again I think to myself wow everyone is so nice here. As I am wrapping up lunch a shift of new waiters arrives. I observe the interaction between the waiters arriving to work and those leaving. There is lots of hugging and heavy petting. Now usually my gaydar is spot on but I had apparently been bamboozled. I take a good look around and realize I was in the heart of gaytown. I call cary to confirm this suspicion and he can only laugh. I ask for the check immediately and walk back towards shoks. The sun is setting now and I notice there is an awesome rooftop deck at shoks so I decide to check out the sunset from there. Its beautiful and I take some amazing pictures. Once the sun has set Its time to leave only when I went to open the stairway door I realized it was locked from the inside. ****. I call shok to tell him my story and before I can finish he says "you locked yourself out?" He has a friend living in the building and tells me he is going to call him and see if he is home. No such luck… going to be atleast an hr before he comes home. In the mean time I notice the fire escape on the side of the building. I call shok back and tell him not to worry that I found a way down. He advises me to wait and not risk almost certain death but I was very impatient and wanted down. It takes me about 5 min to summon the courage to go over the side of the roof but finally I commit and its all gravy until I get to the bottom. The ladder wouldn't release all the way to the ground so I actually had to hang and drop about 12ft to safety. Very proud of myself after this adventure and convince myself I am just like james bond ha. Finaly cary picks me up, but only to smoke a bowl before his acting class and then he dropped me off back at Nicoles house to kill time until we go out. It is akward bc I sense Nicole wants to have sex again but I just want to lay in bed and watch two and a half men. I love that show charley schene is amazing. And the fat kid is funny too! Anyways I avoid sex and she tells me she has to go to a private dinner but wants to meet up after. I have another girl, a friend of carys whom I have not yet met, pick me up at nicoles house to take me to the weed store. She had a prescription and bought weed for cary and all his friends. She is nice but weird… we drive around the valley but all the weed pharmacys are closed bc its so late so we just grab in and out burgers (so good) and she takes me back to her house to get high and wait for cary to get out of class. Her house is surprisingly nice… we smoke and chill by her pool. I meet her uptight roommate who is having boy trouble and asks my advice… no comment. im bored and ready to leave but seem to be trapped bc I am still waiting on cary to get out of acting class. We watch a few episodes of summer hights high which may be one of the funniest shows on tv right now. **** you miss… Finally cary arrives at her house and he is tired but we rally and I convince him to go out. We realize its already 11 and we aren't drunk yet so we chug some vodka tonics at this girls house and head straight to this club, le deux (another French sounding place). There is a line around the corner, but I have a very strict policy about never waiting in lines. I don't believe there is anything in life worth waiting in line for…So I walk to the front like I own the place, drop a name and we are in. We were there to meet some of carys friends, one of whom was a real actor on a real tv show. Nicole and her group of friends had also gone there after dinner. At the bar they card cary again and I laugh. He is two years older than me haha. We enjoy our drinks and take in the scene. Now I usually hate this situation... All of the girls are at the owners vip table which is marked by velvet ropes, an obnoxious bouncer that looks like shaq and the predator had a love child, and girls dancing on couches in 6in heels. I make eye contact with Nicole and the games begin. She blazes through the velvet rope almost knocking over the 6'6 300lbs bouncer and latches herself to my arm like a blind girl trying to cross the street during rush hour. She explains that this is the owners private party and he doesn't want anymore guys at his table… this should be interesting. I am known to me quite the instigator and also am naïve enough to think I can make friends with anyone, but I was forgetting this la crowd is a breed of their own… not like in texas. I guilt trip nicole and tell her I am only at this stupid club to see her (lie) and I want to meet all of her friends. So I grab Kyle (the real actor) and we accompany nicole back to the table. All the girls immediately recognize kyle from tv and are intriguied by me. I guess its human nature to be attracted to the new guy. "Are you the guy from texas?" I crack a smile because this means I was obviously a topic of discussion at dinner! I let her continue to flatter me. "You should totally move here! You would fit right in!" looking around I am still trying to determine if that is a compliment or not. At this point kyle and I have become the epicenter of the party. I love the spotlight! The dj starts playing that lady gaga song "just dance" so of course every girl screams and just dances… Drunk club dancing is the easiest form of dancing in the world. You basically pretend like you are having sex on the dance floor. I convince myself I could be on dancing with the stars if they would let me dance like this. Apparently I got a little too into my moves and managed to accidently bump into predator. In his most serious voice he tells me to "watch my back." Being the witty drunk bastard I am I respond "isn't your job to watch my back for me?" and return to my dance party. Apparently he didn't think I was as funny as I did and immediately walked over to the owner to inform him they had a stand up comedian at the table. I see the owner walking towards me out of the corner of my eye and assuming he is coming to ask me for an autograph I greet him with a handshake and a smile. I was drinking his booze after all. He follows with one of my all time favorite douchbag questions "Who do you know here?" Now at this point I usually like to respond with something witty like "everyone," but his cheap suit, fake diamond watch, and spiky hear told me he was serious. So I pointed to nicole, who at this point was dancing on the couch pouring grey goose into other girls mouths and said "I am with her, is there a problem?" When I am drunk I can be surprisingly bold. I often even impress myself. "No problem, this is my table and I didn't recognize you, but if you are with nicole ok." Now he walks a b-line to nicole, I assume to confirm my identity. I watch closely to relish in the drama my clumsy dancing had now provoked. Words are exchanged, he tries to grab her arm, but before I know it she is off the couch and on my hip whispering in my ear "lets go home." My immediate inner dialogue was ****. I was actually having a great time, and while I thought nicole was a very cool chick I had no desire of hooking up with her again and waking up to a pig in my bed. I start to weigh my options and realize her bed was better than carys couch and being the premadonna that I am I give in. Then I notice the owner watching our every move as we begin our grand exit and it clicks… He likes nicole! Now his deuchbag demeanor finally makes sense. So I decide to have a little fun at his expense. Going against my normal pda protocol I begin straight up molesting nicole in front of everyone and of course she loves it and reciprocates. I am grabbing her tits and using them as flashlights to light our path out of the club and I can feel that guys eyes burning a hole in the back of my designer jacket… Its ok I have two more in my suitcase. We hop in a cab and start the 15min drive up the Hollywood hills to her mini manchine. I now realize that because I was all over nicole for the last five minutes she now thinks im down for round 2. I quickly start brainstorming on how I can avoid hooking up at all costs. Now, all of my friends will tell you I never get too drunk. For as skinny as I am, I am apparently impervious to the effects of alcohol. Part of it might be because I only drink vodka tonic and I never take shots. But after 15 vodka tonics in one night even Shaq the bouncer would be kissing kobes ass. I guess being in LA got the best of me and I decided to try my hand at a little acting. Improv if you will…As we start up the windy roads of the Hollywood hills I start swaying and telling nicole I am "SO DRUNK" and the hills are making me car sick. Her maternal instinct immediately kicks in and I am overwhelmed with sympathy. "Oh baby we are almost home, hold on and I will take care of you." I keep going… "I'm so drunk this never happens blah blah blah," and the oscar for best fake drunk performance to avoid a hook up goes to Kalon McMahon in "I only pretended to like you to piss another guy off." We finally arrive home, she pays for the cab bc I am "too drunk" to find my wallet and I "stumble" to her bed. I am so committed to maintaining the integrity of my role that I refuse to break character when she offers me a bong. "No, that will make it worse." Now this really puts things in perspective… Those closest to me know that I would never turn down pot for any reason at 2 a.m. but I had to maintain my drunken stupor if I wanted to pass out without paying the pussy tax. This was the first time in my life some thing good came out of "Just saying NO." Nicole felt so bad for me at this point that I fell asleep with her scratching my back offering to cook me anything that might make me feel better. Bitch please, I wasn't hungry I just wanted to fall asleep so I could at least dream about ******** someone hotter than you.

I wake up early the next morning and give myself a huge pat on the back for my stellar performance… maybe I should take some head shots and hire an agent? I immediately text cary and tell him to come scoop me up in the prius before nicole wakes up. Surprisingly he is awake and says he is on the way. Now I just have to play the quiet game and hope cary gets there before nicole wakes up. He does thank god…I hop in the car and we begin what would end up being my most favor ite day in LA. It was 9am and I had an interview with TOMS shoes in Santa Monica at 4. I had all day to kill so we run by the house to change clothes so I can look presentable for my interview, grab breakfast, and decide we will hang out on the beach all day until my interview. We cruise down the PCH smoking copious amounts of pot, taking lots of pictures, listening to cut copy, and imagining the plot of my favorite show Californication taking place all around us. I also explain to cary in detail how I managed to avoid ******** nicole last night and he agrees that I should hire an agent following my brilliant performance. We pass through santa monica and decide since we have so much time we should continue on to Malibu and have lunch at this amazing restaurant on the beach cary swears by. At this point cary gets a text from a girl he had been trying to jam for a while and she says she just picked up a girlfriend from NY at the airport and wanted to grab lunch. Since cary is driving I take the liberty to text her back for him and manage to convince her to meet us in Malibu for lunch. The day was shaping up nicely… We pull into the beach club and it is exactly how I had imagined it in my head… beautiful. Don't you love it when something turns out exactly how you invisioned it. Its rare, but when it happens it is ******** sweet. Apparently everyone else had the same idea, because there was a 30 min wait… oh well, we had to wait on these girls anyway and we had a car full of me dical marijuana so we put our names on the list, they give us a vibrating lobster and we opt to take a "walk" down the beach. During our stroll cary convinces me that if I move here, every day could be like this and I agree. After about ten minutes we find a shady spot against the cliff wall where we would be camoflagued from anyone else walking down the beach. Roll it up, light it up, smoke it up… Inhale exhale… We had to be at least a half mile down the beach from the restaurant and all of a sudden our lobster starts vibrating… very impressive range. We begin our journey back and I prepare myself for the most delicious of meals. When we sit I convince myself that maybe if I have a cocktail I will be relaxed and candid for my immenent interview. Besides everyone at TOMS is very laid back and cool and it will be a very informal meeting. These are the variables I use to convince myself it is ok to indulge. Everyone knows beachside cocktails are like Lays chips… you can never have just one. I decide to switch it up and have a mimosa because that will give me energy and make me talkative. Like I said, if you can effectively lie to yourself you are capable of anything. At this point the two girls we were waiting on finally arrived. I was so captivated by the concept of eating/drinking on the beach I totally forgot we had been awaiting their arrival. They are not as cute as I expected. One of them has these bangs that really bother me and the other is just kind of fat. What the **** I thought everyone was supposed to be hot in LA. Oh well, nothing another mimosa cant fix. We have another round, discuss what we might want to do later that night, and make fake plans to definently have dinner with them in Hollywood around 9. I love fake plans, it is so much easier than just telling people no. We pay the check and hop in the prius to head back to santa monica for my interview. I thought we had left in plenty of time but as we hit traffic and I see how much distance is between us and the little red dot on carys navigation screen I begin to get a little nervous. Have no fear, carys crazy driving skills manage to get me to the TOMS offices at exactly 4:01. Silly me for doubting anything seeing as how everything up to this point in this city has managed to work out perfectly with seemingly little to no effort on my part. I put on my game face and prepare to dazzle everyone at TOMS just as I had everyone else in this city. I walk into the TOMS office, which is really more of a warehouse and immediately feel at home. There is not a suit or tie in sight… Everyone is young, attractive, and hip. They are just like me. I immediately know that this is where I want to work and tell Jake (the guy I came to meet) that I will do anything to be a part of the TOMS team. He tells me for like the 117th time this week that I would fit right in around here. He gives me the grand tour, I meet everyone, flirt with the female employees, I get a press kit, take a piss and we part ways. Jake says we will be in touch… Cary picks me back up and we start trek back to Hollywood. Traffic sucks… A drive that took only 30 minutes on the way out took us nearly 2 hrs on the way home. Thank god cary has ******** amazing music. I use this time to text Natalie. No not nicole that I sometimes accidently call Natalie, but a real Natalie. She is one of Laurens best friends from SMU and lives in LA now. She has the hookup in the party scene because she isfriends with brodie jenner and all those mtv fags. Oh well, I am convinced she has hot friends. She says she wants to grab dinner at this place called BLT on sunset. Done… But none of her friends are going out tonight… ****. Apparently no one but tourists go out in Hollywood on Friday nights. Weird. Oh well, Cary calls the girls back from lunch and invites them to turn our fake dinner plans into real dinner plans. While he is on the phone with them I say loud enough so I' m sure that they can hear me that "its fine if they join us but I am not paying for their dinner" insinuating with hand gestures that the fat one would be an expensive date. Finally we make it back and have just enough time to shit, shower, shave and its off to BLT. We are thirty minutes late and Natalie is waiting on us at the bar. I should feel bad for making her wait, but I don't bc I am still kind of drunk/high from the most amazing afternoon ever. However, I am extremely impressed with Natalies choice of venue. BLT is extremely posh and they give us a great booth in the corner. I only like sitting in booths for dinner, especially if you are on a date. It makes it much easier to get some under the table love in between courses. After a few drinks at the table I catch myself staring at Natalie. Now in college I never considered her attractive… maybe because she was one of laurens best friends or maybe because she had an acne/peachfuzz problem that apparently she had fixed since moving to la, but tonight she was stunning. Thankfully someone walked through the door to distract me… Its Adam Sandler and Kevin James… Two funny mother fuckers. They sit at the table next to us. I announce to the entire table that I love this city and thank Natalie for picking such a cool restaurant. I am so thankful that I buy her dinner... I also secretly wanted her to call Lauren the next day and tell her how much fun she had with me and that I bought her dinner… Only after the check comes Natalie informs me she is tired and doesn't want to go out any more. I wasn't going to **** her anyways so I wasn't too bothered. A few of carys friends show up as we are wrapping up and we all decide to go back to Bardot. (remember dave navarros club where nicole peed on me). The girls were hot last time I was there so I was game. We pull up and I realize they don't charge for valet if you drive a prius. Inner monologue "I am going to have to get one of these." Once we are inside I realize Natalie was right… no one goes out on Friday nights in hollywood. Its like a completely different club… where are all the beautiful girls? I am disappointed but determined to make the best of it. All of carys friends are drinking absenth at the bar, but I stick to my goose n' tonic and opt to do a solo lap around the club to see if I can find any attractive girls worth buying drinks for. During my lap I manage to interrupt a dance off and have my ass grabbed by a very forward fat chick. I am loosing hope… All of a sudden there is tug on my elbow… Hoping to turn and discover a 5'9 model wanting to bang in the bathroom (I have had really good luck this trip) I manage to find something even better… Before I can even open my mouth to formulate a sentence she says "You look really familiar." Are you ******** kidding me? It's the cute little asian girl that interviewed me at the PR firm yesterday. "I look familiar? I should considering you interviewed me 24hrs ago." To her defense I was wearing my glasses at the interview and wasn't wearing them now. My glasses do have the ability to give me a completely different effect on women. They say I look like Clark Kent… I usually follow with some cheesy line involving superman or a cape, they laugh and I'm in. But I digress… This was amazing! What were the chances? Whoever said the world doesn't revolve around me was eating their heart out right now… She goes on to tell me how impressed she is that I managed to get into this club and that maybe I do have a future in the PR biz. At this point in the conversation the same fat chick grabs my ass again. Small world… turns out the fat chick is with this girl. After we connect the dots she apologizes for grabbing my ass and said she only did it because I was soooo cute. I am flattered/disgusted. She goes on to tell me that I am too cute to work for her friend and that I need to come work for her because she will pay me more… I ask her where do I sign? The novelty of this conversation is wearing off and cary conveniently walks by to save me. I introduce cary to them both, explain the connection, and we share a laugh. Asian girl seems to be digging cary so I walk away to "get another drink" and leave him hanging. Sorry bro… He flounders with them for a few and we run into each other in the bathroom. "**** you dude thanks a lot." I can only laugh. We continue our conversation outside the bathroom when there is another tug at my elbow… This time I turn to discover a group of very exotic looking girls giggling. Now by exotic I don't mean sexy south American… I mean Persian and borderline terrorists. Needless to say not my type. One tells me im cute and hands me a cocktail napkin with her number. Really? A ******** napkin? I didn't realize people really did that? Regardless, this was our cue to leave. I grab cary tell him to get the prius and lets go the **** home. I need some sleep…

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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by nutty1 on Fri Jul 06, 2012 8:26 pm

@mnmhughes wrote:Lindzi is so pretty! Why does she make such bad dating choices?

And bad eye makeup choices!!

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Re: Kalon & Lindzi - Bachelor Pad 3 - Discussion

Post by Sponsored content Today at 8:53 pm


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