Andi Dorfman - The Bachelorette 10 - Discussion - #3

MiaHawk wrote:I think we all can agree that people with good character are more admirable and typically more likable to us. But, what is good character? (We like and admire Mary because she is a good person.)

A good character is displayed by the consistent wise or ethical choices one makes in life. Most people can easily identify an ethical choice, because society for the most part has well-defined rules of morality and ethics, based a centuries of customs and mores. But how do we define the smaller (yet, perhaps, equally important) choice as wise? (We like and admire Mary because she acts morally and makes good life choices.)

We define a choice or action as wise if it aligns with a what we perceive to be good values or a good value system. A wise choice will be one that reinforces a good value and reaffirms its worth. (Mary made a wise choice in obeying all traffic laws on her way to work and not causing any traffic-related deaths this morning.)

A person's value system is made up of hundreds of different individual values---values that are often stressed by our own parents/mentors or that were gained via very personal experiences in our own lives. No two people have the exact same life experiences, therefore, no two people have the exact same value systems. (Mary took her bonus check from work and donated it to the Red Cross. Jane took her bonus check and put it in her child's college fund. Sally took her bonus and bought a newer car.)

The reason why some of us will NEVER agree about Andi's character and life choices is that we will NEVER agree about which values are better than others.  We each value different things in life and nobody will ever convince us otherwise. If we change our opinions it will be because of something that occurs to us in our own lives to make us change.  

Nothing makes my point better than for a person to evaluate what it means to be a good mother. For those on this board who are mothers themselves, think about it. Your children have friends, but how many of those friends has a mother who mothers exactly the same way you do? (I'm sure you've been told on several occasions that you are the only mother who won't let her...)  The answer is 'none'. Yet, if someone were to ask you why as a mother you do the things that you do, you would answer them that you do what you think is best. We have a million mothers in the world with a million of them thinking that they know what's best. Is it any wonder we all quibble about Andi and her choices?

To be honest, for as much as I may vent on this board or criticize Andi for her lifestyle choices (undies in the kitchen, kissy faces, $hoe$...), none of those things truly matters to me. That's city mouse versus country mouse stuff. That's I say 'toMAto' and you say 'TOmaTO' stuff. What matters most to me, what sits at the top of my own value system hierarchy, are two values: Treating people with empathy and Being independent and able to stand on one's own 2 feet. And on those two, I'm afraid Andi falls short of my standards, and that colors everything else I see from her. And that's my truth.        

Laura Walsh wrote:For everybody questioning what Andi did on summers off I am pretty sure that I read an interview that Andi did that said she did work summers for the DA and was lucky enough to have a mentor in him.  So she absolutely did work summers in some capacity with the law.  

Ash2214 wrote:I know that she basically had to give good answers since she knew it would be published, but good for her for not snapping or saying anything dumb. It looks like her and Josh are staying neutral in the press when the other person is brought up.

http://www.people.com/article/andi-dorfman-josh-murray-getting-back-together-bachelorette

^ That title of the article is misleading by the way.

mindless wrote:Andi needs to get over herself. Pretty sure Josh doesn't need her blessing.

Mustang19 wrote:

No, it's not Andi's "fault" she was born into privilege. To me, it's what she does with it. My childhood was very comfortable. Not Emily type privilege, but my sister and I never went without and were very fortunate. We never had to worry about going to college if we wanted, getting our first car, etc. But, just because my parents were very generous with us, it was also known we couldn't just flit around with no direction. If we stayed at home, we had to contribute or be in school. From the time I was 16, I started working. My parents bought me the car, but I had to pay the gas and insurance. I NEVER once went back to them for money. I ended up not going to college out of HS because I was hired at a place I loved and made great money. I went back to school later, and am working in that profession today. I married early and never went back home. So, to me, Andi is abusing her privilege.

And to address the second bolded, it isn't hostility for me - it's pity. She doesn't seem to have any direction in life and is just floating around until she figures it out. Most people by the time they are close to 30 have figured it out, either from passion in what they do or simply the necessity of having to support yourself. And because Andi CHOOSES to keep her life public, going on two reality TV shows, etc., she is open to public comment - positive and negative. I don't think she is a bad person, just someone who is selfish and has some growing up to do. My advice would be to take the time to figure it out, dig in deep, and get off social media.

albean99 wrote:

Mustang19 wrote:

No, it's not Andi's "fault" she was born into privilege. To me, it's what she does with it. My childhood was very comfortable. Not Emily type privilege, but my sister and I never went without and were very fortunate. We never had to worry about going to college if we wanted, getting our first car, etc. But, just because my parents were very generous with us, it was also known we couldn't just flit around with no direction. If we stayed at home, we had to contribute or be in school. From the time I was 16, I started working. My parents bought me the car, but I had to pay the gas and insurance. I NEVER once went back to them for money. I ended up not going to college out of HS because I was hired at a place I loved and made great money. I went back to school later, and am working in that profession today. I married early and never went back home. So, to me, Andi is abusing her privilege.

And to address the second bolded, it isn't hostility for me - it's pity. She doesn't seem to have any direction in life and is just floating around until she figures it out. Most people by the time they are close to 30 have figured it out, either from passion in what they do or simply the necessity of having to support yourself. And because Andi CHOOSES to keep her life public, going on two reality TV shows, etc., she is open to public comment - positive and negative. I don't think she is a bad person, just someone who is selfish and has some growing up to do. My advice would be to take the time to figure it out, dig in deep, and get off social media.

 It sounds like your parents were very smart. :Nod:  

Hopefully Andi will grow up at some point or find herself or whatever she's looking for but it's not impressing me that she thinks she can just jump into the fashion business. Maybe some training would be in order?