Andi Dorfman - The Bachelorette 10 - Discussion - #6

Mustang19 wrote:This is a really stupid question because I never believed she shared any of Josh's faith, but does she talk about religion or if that was or wasn't a part of their relationship?

Nope, nothing about religion - not even a word on it. She's too busy talking about sex and wine.

reason wrote:

lleyki wrote:

StationWagon wrote:I thought Nick's way of wording the question was lighthearted, cute, and funny.  Andi thought it was weird and awkward, but she doesn't seem to be a very lighthearted person IMO.

I agree. Didn't this also supposedly happen while they were getting it on because it also sounds a like a bit of dirty talk to me and *shrugs* I don't see the big deal with some dirty talk between two adults. Honestly, sounds to me like Andi didn't have much she could throw at Nick, since clearly judging by her random thought of maybe sleeping with him again, the sex was clearly good.

A part of Andi did want to see where things would go with Nick. Why else would she go to his apartment by herself  question
She could have just given Nick her phone number and said to call JMO

Wait, she went to his apartment - like after the season and after the breakup with Josh? Was this when she was in Chicago visiting Christy?

Yes Yes after breaking up with Josh.

wouldn't this going to sleep with Nick after the break-up be a way of getting back at #26 seeing #25 played a big part in causing the break-up according to her. IMO, in her messed way of seeing things, entertaining the thought would be her way of sticking it to #26 so to say but I think #26 was done with the relationship by then.
Did I read here that she admitted to stalking #26 on SM as well, so she really did hack into that poor man's sm account then that she vehemently denied, wow, just wow.

Makes sense that she leaves out any discussion of religion. Andi, IMO, is Jewish, but does not practice any faith or beliefs in anything but greed and pettiness. Those faith based quotes were the classic fit in with your boyfriend schtick. Josh is big on them, and sometimes they make him look hypocritical, but they are from his heart. Andi was mirroring him. Has she posted anything remotely faith based in over a year? I don't count the self help type quotes, I mean her blessed and such crap (crap because she doesn't have that belief).

Also a discussion of religion might lead to her having Josh, the Christian, give up one of the two big Christian holidays with his practicing family to spent it in Vegas with her very non believing family. That doesn't support her being a poor abused, mistreated woman so it has to stay out of the book. Remember, by late December of 2014 she was supposed to be so beat down by Josh she couldn't stand up for herself, just like real sufferers of emotional abuse. Which is not what we saw.

I don't think Josh is easy or blameless. He is probably self centered and as Kasha likes to say like a box of rocks. I just don't think he was totally at fault. I don't call it emotional abuse, because to me that indicates that one person has all the power and most of the aggression and abuse. I would say they were in a toxic relationship, two people who once had feelings of love but are both such alpha control freaks that they basically drove each other into misery and disgust. I think they were probably both yellers and both at some points were solely aggressive and at others had knock down drag out fights. Toxic and maybe jointly abusive, but I doubt she was a lone scared victim. JMO.

BTW, I do think Josh probably did want her to have his values, and yes maybe that was old fashioned, but I don't blame him for that. I marriage between two people with shared values tends to be stronger. The key to me, is the lack of honesty. If she didn't really share those values admit it and if the relationship doesn't work because of that, it is sad, but you move on. I don't blame him for wanting that, most people do. It is like the lie about sleeping with Nick (I refuse to use her stupid numbers), had she told the truth and Josh dumped her, I would have been on her side. Because at that point she was not committed to Josh and if he could not let that go it would be his fault. But by lying she forever made her sleeping with Nick a huge betrayal and a big sign of a lack of honesty and trust. And because she has absolutely no self awareness she continues to believe that the problem was solely the sex instead of understanding that her lie made it something truly toxic and not just about sex. Again JMO.

Yes stuckinsc! I haven't finished the book yet but what is obviously clear is that she is no traditional Sean Lowe (which is fine) she is more of a Kaitlyn (my body is mine and I can do whatever I want with it- again fine).... The problem is... IMO... she misrepresented herself to Josh... I can only imagine he went from feeling betrayed to downright angry at her deceit (not just the sex, their fundamental values)... No doubt she felt he wasn't being supportive but he probably felt blindsided by this "new" side on Andi.... I always felt that Andi did a very professional "job" at being the ette for TPTB, however it totally backfired by her not revealing her true self and being totally genuine in her relationship.

^^ just another example of Andi saying whatever she thinks the unfortunate person she is talking to wants to hear. Must be exhausting trying to keep up with all the lies she tells, but we're talking about Andi so she probably doesn't give a damn. IMO.

I think some of it shows that she really didn't get to know Josh at all on the show. She just thought he was hot and that was all she needed. The lie detector should have been a red flag, she could have mined him for what he was looking for in a partner, (although it's possible he lied), etc. But she was blinded by his looks and the Murray name. I mean, I get that when you like someone you excuse a lot of things, and maybe that's what happened during the show, but she did have at least some control in that situation.

The snippets seem to make the book seem almost stream-of-conscious with a bunch of stuff that makes me feel sympathetic for Andi, a ton that makes her seem incredibly shallow/materialistic, and other stuff that is just straight bizarre.

Kim, ITA with you. I'm surprised at the outrage tbh because I don't find her as the only "bad" character in this play. I feel sympathy for her while also finding the whole thing trashy, bizarre and gross personally. It's a complicated mix of emotions

I would agree that she did not get to know Josh, and was blinded by the good looking jock with the important family. I totally get that. But I completely believe that she gave as good as she got, and don't condone either of them for the name calling. They should have just realized it was not a healthy relationship and called it a day.

I am not outraged by Andi's book, it doesn't surprise me. I haven't liked her since she appeared on screen, so this just adds to the character she displays. What I think is wrong is that she is accusing people publically of things that can't be taken back - things that should be private. When you have no job and you need money, I guess you will do whatever to make a buck and get a few "you go girl" pats on the back. I have ZERO sympathy for her. Andi writes a trashy book and gets kudos. If one of the guys did that, they would be crucified.

Mustang19 wrote:

I am not outraged by Andi's book, it doesn't surprise me. I haven't liked her since she appeared on screen, so this just adds to the character she displays. What I think is wrong is that she is accusing people publically of things that can't be taken back - things that should be private. When you have no job and you need money, I guess you will do whatever to make a buck and get a few "you go girl" pats on the back. I have ZERO sympathy for her. Andi writes a trashy book and gets kudos. If one of the guys did that, they would be crucified.

Agree with this part of your post 100%. (snipped para 1).

Bolded - Yup I said exactly that upthread somewhere.  

Now even a slight response from any of her ###s is going to make them feel bad all the while she can and is saying what she likes.
Complete double standard. IMO.

ROFL. If a man ever wrote a tell-all like this there would be cries of misogyny. MeAndI only somewhat gets away with her tell-all and misandry because she's a woman who justifies it all with feminism and even she's getting a lot of criticism for it. A man would never stand a chance.

All JMO.

I'm only a few chapters in but I didn't realize how basic Andi is. Either that or she's trying to say whatever she can to appeal to fans.

She also tries her best to appear like all of this fell into her lap, everyone - even her badass bosses were excited for her, she was coaxed by friends to go to the casting call, she didn't mean to go and subconsciously drove to the location. She was skeptical and couldn't believe it all, blah blah blah. Yeahhhh.

Alanna wrote:Kim, ITA with you. I'm surprised at the outrage tbh because I don't find her as the only "bad" character in this play. I feel sympathy for her while also finding the whole thing trashy, bizarre and gross personally. It's a complicated mix of emotions

I agree with you, Alanna. I am shocked I find while reading this I don't hate Andi. She's by far my least favorite Bachelorette, and even writing this in the first place is tacky as crap. But ... I don't know. I find her kind of self deprecating and I'm not totally hating her. It's complicated! If even 5% of what she says about Josh is true (and I tend to say, yes), well... gross. I don't know. They were obviously toxic together.

Bleu- - YES! Get out of my head (per usual lately! ). I gave Andi a major side eye too about how she just *fell* into this franchise. She didn't know anything about it, didn't want to "lose her dignity" to do it, but everyone kept forcing her into it. Yeah freaking right! This isn't just an Andi problem, but so many formers are like "people nominated and begged me to do it! I didn't know what it was!" BS!!!!! If they didn't want to be cast, THEY WOULDN'T BE CAST!!!