Tanner & Jade Tolbert - BIP 2 - Discussion

Tanner seems very controlling and knowing Jade's past that makes me sad.

It goes to show you can't always trust what you see on social media. These two are cringeworthy.

Okay so episode is over and Tanner lost me forever. I'm sure he could care less but he said one of those phrases that is a trigger for me. Also I am not saying Jade and Tanner weren't acting, maybe they are great actors but Jade is crying and saying Tanner makes her feel worthless as a person and in their relationship and Tanner says "I'm sorry babe that's just how I feel" and without going into personal stuff there is someone in my life that thinks they can say anything no matter how hurtful as long as they say that's how they feel. Anyway they actually were arguably the biggest mess this episode. Maybe second biggest.

casjacknick wrote:Okay so this
Tanner: my plate was full before I met you. When you marry someone the load should get easier because two people are achieving the same goal but not only did my plate stay the same I feel like more s@#$ got piled on it. Every other guy I work with whose wife doesn't work, they do everything.
Jade: i'm not that person.

I must say I understand Tanner when it comes to this. I've been out of work as well while my SO worked and I did pretty much all the housework. Not because I thought I had to, but because I simply enjoyed doing something useful and with all that free time, why not? That's like the best part about not working, being able to keep on top of housework. It's so much nicer to live in a tidy house especially when you spend so much time at home. I'd be pretty annoyed too if I worked all day and came back to a home that was messier than how I left it. Not that it justifies any verbal abuse, but come on now, an adult should be able to do the bare necessities without being told. Tanner is still an a-hole though.

I agree that because "that's how I feel" should not be justification for behavior. Feelings do not makes something right.
I have always felt in a relationship you want to bring out and encourage the best in each other, not the worst or even the status quo.

Okay these two really sound like a train wreck. Maybe going so quickly from meeting to engaged to married wasn't the best idea. Such a hot mess.

It's a bit appalling to me the way he speaks to her, like how does he think that is okay?

Some men are just gross.

I get that you want a partner who contributes their part to your life together. I however don't think that's the issue here, really. Tanner would find a way to make Jade feel worthless even if she was baking and cooking and cleaning from morning until evening. He's not only talking about the house work. He's talking about how she 'fights', he trashes her to his co-workers, he thinks she's worthless as a person. She needs personal therapy, I have no doubt that her self worth is in the negative numbers. I have a feeling, that once she gets herself some serious help, which I doubt she has got, she will grow as a person, and leave the bully husband. Imo he knows this too, and keeps putting her down partly for this fear.

Who knew Tanner was this abusive? Poor Jade. She thought she finally found a nice, loving man who would protect and adore her and it's a another looney tune. Sigh.

This sucks, I always liked Tanner! Ugh.

Kashathediva wrote:I agree that because "that's how I feel" should not be justification for behavior. Feelings do not makes something right.
I have always felt in a relationship you want to bring out and encourage the best in each other, not the worst or even the status quo.

I also think that if counselling is to be effective the people involved have to reveal what is causing them to pull away from the relationship. Without doing that it becomes a waste of time because those things remain buried and the relationship erodes. It's not pleasant if there are real issues at play. Legit counselling is based on providing a safe mediated environment and opportunity for those involved to lay it all out there so it can be heard and hopefully discussed then resolved through compromise.

Personally I don't agree with televised counselling so I haven't watched and am just going off of what I've read here. Sounds like they have legit red flags, including how they communicate concerns to each other, so IMO it's good that they are in counselling this early in their relationship.  Bad IMO that they didn't opt for private sessions.

It's fine to discuss Jade and Tanner on MBC in their General Discussion thread. If there is a lot of discussion for the other contestants I can create a thread for that if there's an interest.

I'm not sure where I read it (so I don't have a source), but maybe on this board about that Tanner had a really tough home life growing up and that explains part of how he is? That is comes up later in the season and plays a role into things? Anyone else remember hearing this info?

While I don't condone his behavior, Jade doesn't seem to do a lot. That would make any spouse resentful. Just because her shilling brings in more cash (I think the women always outperform the men since it is women viewers obsessed with this show and more willing to buy products relating to them) and she has more followers, it means nothing. She wouldn't get these opportunities if she wasn't married to Tanner so he is just as invested.

Maybe I'm jaded or have bad morals (though I don't think I do), but it seems like name-calling in marriages during this day and age, especially with younger generations, is commonplace. It doesn't always mean the harsh connotations the name held in the past nor does the affected party see it that way. IMO. Not saying that is right but I feel that is just the nature of current society. I know I used to swear a lot before I had my son and never meant any of my harsh words as direct insults mostly. JMO.