Cassie Randolph & Brighton Reinhardt - Bachelor 23 - Discussion

I am halfway through the TRO and my eyes are literally wide-eyed while reading.

Norcalgal wrote:@blueblues I just read the temporary restraining order and Colton has problems (not that we didn't know that). I keep wondering if he felt unloved as a child due to his parents' divorce and thus when he finds someone who is kind to him, he just can't let go.

His behavior is out of line and Cassie is deserving of having him legally restrained

As I mentioned before most people who have experienced childhood trauma do not become stalkers. Even if Colton heals every childhood wound that isn’t going to change his beliefs of toxic masculinity. This is largely imo about how he views women and dating, an extreme lack of boundaries and thinking Cassie is his possession. It’s about power and control over women. He thinks he gets to keep Cassie accountable after they have broken up. That is toxic masculinity at its finest. While I’m sure finding healing from any childhood wounds would be a good thing for him it wouldn’t address his toxic beliefs toward women. jmo

Eta: The reason I am pushing back on this way of thinking, i.e. that his behavior is due to some childhood wound such as a divorce, is because it can be used to tell a story of Colton as a victim with little agency or responsibility for his abusive actions. He is the perpetrator here and not the victim. Cassie is the one who has been victimized by him. He even goes so far as to call Cassie an abuser—this is classic victim blaming. At best our past can help explain our present actions but in no way does it excuse those actions.

Further, psychological research (see narrative therapy & cbt) is finding that it isn’t so much what has happened to us in our pasts that shapes our future identities and actions but rather the stories we tell ourselves about those past events.

In one of the more vulgar messages he sent Cassie, he also gave troubling insight into how he views sex. The way he spoke of Cassie’s past, as if sex is something done to a woman, instead of a consensual encounter between two parties. It’s disturbing. Jmo.

This saga is very sad and I had anticipated it would escalate. Colton has some serious problems and they didn’t start after his relationship with Cassie. A lot of red warning signs were there to see, but while in the Bachelor world, those were not only ignored by psychologists and producers, but used to create more drama and ratings. Disgusting.
As far as the present situation, Colton is now cornered and exposed and therefore is absolutely a danger to not only Cassie but anyone who is not performing the role that he expects them to play, i.e. protecting and excusing him.
The TRO shows how much premeditation and obsession Colton has and the role it played in the present outcome. I’m sure Cassie already had an inkling and direct experience of these attributes and got stuck to have to delay her breakup as Colton was diagnosed with Covid. I think it’s given everyone ( the Randolph family) a way to see other facets of him and his manipulative ways. Colton probably expected to be ‘ back with her’ after such a hardship, but she stuck to her guns, and he couldn’t take it. It’s obvious that he tried to be close to her with the possible shooting after they were done. He couldn’t take no for an answer, and she naively trusted his intentions.
I think that after discovering the tracking device and the different phone conversations, Cassie truly realized the depth at which this mess was and how sick Colton was. She is now having to face him in court, and hopefully has a VERY good lawyer who will help her enforce a true separation and protect her from future potential retaliation. Because he WILL want to retaliate, I guarantee it; until he gets a REAL long and deep dive into therapy and the support to actually stick to it, he will not change or even accept responsibility for his abuse.
The fact that he went on RS and was using this platform to paint a completely different picture than the reality should be a major red flag. The guy is calculating, cunning and desperate for attention and what he calls ‘ love’. ( validation)
IMO Colton didn’t love Cassie, he has not reached that healthy mature stage unfortunately and he was showing his desperation in a lot of ways, but because of the twisted ‘reality show ‘ and its fake narrative, they made it look ‘ romantic’ but instead it only exacerbated the deep seated issues. Colton will need time to look at all that and heal with a professional. But he needs to WANT it.
In the meantime, Cassie needs support, privacy, respect and compassion and I’m hoping she does get all that.

JMOAA

I read a lot of his texts and they were sad and horrifying at the same time. Colton clearly needs help and I hope he gets it. It would be best if he were to stay in Colorado and I doubt he'd do that on his own but maybe the publicity from this will keep him there. Fingers crossed for Cassie's sake.

gabriele wrote: **snipped** It’s about power and control over women. He thinks he gets to keep Cassie accountable after they have broken up. That is toxic masculinity at its finest. While I’m sure finding healing from any childhood wounds would be a good thing for him it wouldn’t address his toxic beliefs toward women. jmo

ReneeM wrote: In one of the more vulgar messages he sent Cassie, he also gave troubling insight into how he views sex. The way he spoke of Cassie’s past, as if sex is something done to a woman, instead of a consensual encounter between two parties. It’s disturbing. Jmo.

Astrobach wrote: ***snipped*** Colton has some serious problems and they didn’t start after his relationship with Cassie.
He WILL want to retaliate, I guarantee it; until he gets a REAL long and deep dive into therapy and the support to actually stick to it, he will not change or even accept responsibility for his abuse. The fact that he went on RS and was using this platform to paint a completely different picture than the reality should be a major red flag. The guy is calculating, cunning and desperate for attention and what he calls ‘ love’. ( validation) IMO Colton didn’t love Cassie, he has not reached that healthy mature stage
In the meantime, Cassie needs support, privacy, respect and compassion and I’m hoping she does get all that. JMOAA

IA 100%
I say it here and now, hoping soon this thread returns to the topic - Cassie - and not her stalker, but Colton is a sociopath, a gaslighter and an abuser.
There's a messages he sent (but apparently people excusing his actions are stating to have sent same kind of messages to their exes) and something I read people declare post break-ups:
"You (cassie) are selfish person who isn't ready to be loved. I spent ... years loving you the best I could. etc. I've always done nothing but be there for you and you still disrespect me all the time."

I will just let the words marinate ... who is selfish, who loved, who loves who, who is ready and who's not, who knows how to love, who has done what for who and who doesn't respect the other being in this case?

happygolucky wrote:
snipped
There's a messages he sent (but apparently people excusing his actions are stating to have sent same kind of messages to their exes) and something I read people declare post break-ups:
"You (cassie) are selfish person who isn't ready to be loved. I spent ... years loving you the best I could. etc. snipped

I respect the many opinions with far more experience in psychology than I have. The bolded line stood out to me "the best I could".  Sometimes our best is not enough and this line alone makes me think Colton didn't have great role models for love and how to treat the person you cherish the most. He reminds me of a child who just won't drop a 'want' when they are told no. Is it immaturity or arrested development or something else or deeper?

IMO this situation is what a mental health crisis looks like.
It’s complicated, messy, and effects not only the individual but those around him.
Hopefully the restraining order with be a catalyst for professional intervention for Colton and provide Cassie with some peace of mind.

Norcalgal wrote:

happygolucky wrote:snipped
There's a messages he sent (but apparently people excusing his actions are stating to have sent same kind of messages to their exes) and something I read people declare post break-ups:
"You (cassie) are selfish person who isn't ready to be loved. I spent ... years loving you the best I could. etc. snipped

I respect the many opinions with far more experience in psychology than I have. The bolded line stood out to me "the best I could".  Sometimes our best is not enough and this line alone makes me think Colton didn't have great role models for love and how to treat the person you cherish the most. He reminds me of a child who just won't drop a 'want' when they are told no. Is it immaturity or arrested development or something else or deeper?

I think there are immaturity and selfishness. Who at all can say something like that: "You are a selfish person who isn't ready to be loved. I spent ... years loving you the best I could? This is totally CRAZY! If you love somebody you let them be them without telling them that they are selfish and not ready to be loved! Everybody is ready to be loved! Every child and every person! Love is all about giving without expectations. And if you are giving something that others don't need or want, sorry, stop doing that! Otherwise it's an obsession, not love! Crazy and so, so sad!

Colton really doesn’t seem to get it but I guess that isn’t too surprising.

Colton Underwood ‘Struggling’ To Accept That Cassie Randolph Has Moved On & Desperately Wants Her Back

gabriele wrote:Colton really doesn’t seem to get it but I guess that isn’t too surprising.

Colton Underwood ‘Struggling’ To Accept That Cassie Randolph Has Moved On & Desperately Wants Her Back

X

I feel vindicated to the 10th power. I never liked Colton. Always considered him a spoiled, entitled liar with delusions of grandeur. I have been saying for months he needs a job. I don't expect him to get help because a man like him very rarely takes enough responsibility for his actions to admit he is wrong and needs help. It's always someone else's fault.
IMO He is heading for a HUGE let down because he is absolutely NONE of the things he thinks he is and it is quite unlikely he ever will be. His foundation is a good idea without the personality behind it to make it successful. His book is nothing that will elevate him outside BN and a clear indication of how small his mind is. I have said all this in the face of opposition for months.
What makes me very sad is...what happens when he comes to the same realizations I came to months ago?
I'm happy Cassie took as much action as she has available to her and I really pray for her safety.
All IMO