Arie Luyendyk Jr - Lauren Burnham - Bachelor 22 - Discussion #4

Uhhhhh.... yeah. Those kid(s) are better off with a slightly older dad who actually knows his mom and is sure he isn’t going to cheat on her over a quickie marriage, a filadering father, an enabling mother, and a lifetime of therapy. IMO.

sosleepy wrote:Uhhhhh.... yeah. Those kid(s) are better off with a slightly onlder dad who actually knows his mom and is sure he isn’t going to cheat on her over a quickie marriage, a filadering father, an enabling mother, and a life of therapy. IMO.

Agreed. I don’t want Lauren’s kids to have to complain how hard living in their parents marriage was like Lauren does. Better to know each other a bit better first. JMO.

sosleepy wrote:Uhhhhh.... yeah. Those kid(s) are better off with a slightly onlder dad who actually knows his mom and is sure he isn’t going to cheat on her over a quickie marriage, a filadering father, an enabling mother, and a life of therapy. IMO.

Being able to father a child is not the same as being a father. Arie might be able to do the first , but being the latter might be harder. I think they both aren’t ready in my opinion.

@sosleepy
I think that is true for some, but not all. 
I hate to get too OT with mentioning other couples.
 Ashley and JP compromised. She had to finish school and then had a profession to follow.  I loved how they worked it out together.
Rachel is still practicing law isn't she? It's far easier for Bryan to get licensed in another state, IMO than Rachel re-taking the bar, etc.
So I agree if they go into "influencing" vs a traditional job it's a different kettle of fish.
@StuckinSC  I know because my daughter/sil went through the IVF process, men's little fishies are scrutinized. Age is very much an issue now. More and more mutations and other issues are coming forefront with those little fishies than previously known. 
As far as age and raising kids--I have my small grandsons a lot. Of course, it is a blessing. HUGE. But I am totally exhausted after a few hours of them, and more often then not have them days for camp Mimi and Pop. 
 There is a saying I adhere to: Little kids little problems. Big kids, big problems. Playing on the swings, food fights (every meal for a 3 yr old or younger is a food fight) and sleepless nights with them at age 35 is easy.  It's not so much in your 50's or older in dealing with adolescents or young adults.(and IMO young adults is no longer 18-22, but can be into the late 20's)
When these kids are in their teens and gasp, 20s or worse 30's and need rent money, are out of job and need to move home or still in school, it's a royal headache. 
Many in their 50's-60's are sandwiched into dealing with kids and parents. 
Life is far different now. I will never regret having my own, luckily, at a young age.

If I had a daughter and I knew she was hooking up randomly whenever they decided to have sex I can guarantee you I would not be blaming the guy. I'd be giving her a piece of my mind, and she was ok with it, fine. But she would have no entitlement IMHO to complain if he got engaged to someone else. That's the way I see it. I don't see it as he is treating her badly. If she's stupid enough to agree to that type of relationship, then IMO she would never be able to justify her complaints to me later when she's feeling used.

But from all the stories we've heard and IMO, all of them didn't agree to that type relationship and thought they were in serious, exclusive relationships with him.  Only to find out he was seeing others on the side, who also thought the same or that he was sliding into DMs and lining up his next gf while still with the current one.  

Now, are they completely innocent in the whole thing?  No, I'm sure there were signs they missed or didn't want to see.  But when someone introduces you as a gf, takes you to family functions, spends multiple nights at your place or you at theirs, etc.  Its pretty serious, regardless of how much talk there's been on where the relationships going or if ILY have been exchanged, IMO.  

But fault should be shared all around, IMO.  Arie is at fault for making them all feel as if they're in exclusive relationships and not specifically telling them they weren't, IMO.  He wouldn't need a spread sheet to keep up with it all if there wasn't something shady about the whole situation and his approach to relationships IMO.

JMO

@Kashathediva I appreciate your opinion. My own experience showed my father was a much better father to me than his three oldest biological children he had young.

As for teenage years, the older parents in my high school handled those better too. They were able to focus on the kids more and less caught up in succeeding and their own youthful needs. But this is JME.

My parents handled balancing kids who came back (not me!) and caring for my elderly grandmother. It sucked, but they were a great team at that. I have been helping support for first my father then my mother since I was 30, it can be hard, but I am grateful for the amazing years I had with my dad.

I am now watching my friends who have an array of kids in college to some in diapers. Some who have both, in most cases the ones with younger kids feel they are better parents older than they were younger. So I will chose to agree to disagree.

I think Arie and Lauren should wait to know each other better before rushing into marriage and children. IMO. If his engagement to Becca was barely more than dating, why is this engagement much more than that? Why the rush? They haven’t even lived together a full month yet have they? IMO, a couple where the man has never committed, the woman was traumatized by her parents bad marriage, and she herself has a spotty commitment record is better giving themselves time to settle in. Would marriage and children at 38 be that different for health reason that 36? Not IMO.

@stuckinsc I don't know if the marriage stuff of your post applies to me or not. Personally, I don't care if they marry or not. (that goes for all of these folks) That's up to them. I don't know them and can't begin to speak for them. 
What works for me, works for me. What works for someone else, more power to them. 
Personally, where I am in life, I have never heard any of my friends say they wish they had had their kids older.  They are happy to be living their best life while they still can and hoping their adult kids are doing the same. (on their own and out of their houses)

Ladybug82 wrote:But from all the stories we've heard and IMO, all of them didn't agree to that type relationship and thought they were in serious, exclusive relationships with him.  Only to find out he was seeing others on the side, who also thought the same or that he was sliding into DMs and lining up his next gf while still with the current one.  

Now, are they completely innocent in the whole thing?  No, I'm sure there were signs they missed or didn't want to see.  But when someone introduces you as a gf, takes you to family functions, spends multiple nights at your place or you at theirs, etc.  Its pretty serious, regardless of how much talk there's been on where the relationships going or if ILY have been exchanged, IMO.  

But fault should be shared all around, IMO.  Arie is at fault for making them all feel as if they're in exclusive relationships and not specifically telling them they weren't, IMO.  He wouldn't need a spread sheet to keep up with it all if there wasn't something shady about the whole situation and his approach to relationships IMO.

JMO

One his exes admitted to being naive when she had doubts . I think it’s the same with Lauren. They buy his BS because he sells it well. It’s part of his type. Even one of his more experienced exes realized after the fact that he had side action. Arie has a type and Lauren falls right into this category. Maybe even line 38 on his spreadsheet. Jmo

Personally wouldn’t shock me to see a nanny raising these kids, regardless. So personally, Arie’s age is of little concern to me.  

Since he has an affinity for the youngins, luckily Lauren is practically Gen Z herself, and has plenty of youth in her to run after the toddlers while Arie gets his knee replacement surgeries and what not.

@sosleepy True kids will also give Lauren something to focus on if Arie gets bored and goes back to being a spreadsheet guy. JMSO.

Kashathediva wrote:@sosleepy
I think that is true for some, but not all. 
I hate to get too OT with mentioning other couples.
 Ashley and JP compromised. She had to finish school and then had a profession to follow.  I loved how they worked it out together.
Rachel is still practicing law isn't she? It's far easier for Bryan to get licensed in another state, IMO than Rachel re-taking the bar, etc.
So I agree if they go into "influencing" vs a traditional job it's a different kettle of fish.
@StuckinSC  I know because my daughter/sil went through the IVF process, men's little fishies are scrutinized. Age is very much an issue now. More and more mutations and other issues are coming forefront with those little fishies than previously known. 
As far as age and raising kids--I have my small grandsons a lot. Of course, it is a blessing. HUGE. But I am totally exhausted after a few hours of them, and more often then not have them days for camp Mimi and Pop. 
 There is a saying I adhere to: Little kids little problems. Big kids, big problems. Playing on the swings, food fights (every meal for a 3 yr old or younger is a food fight) and sleepless nights with them at age 35 is easy.  It's not so much in your 50's or older in dealing with adolescents or young adults.(and IMO young adults is no longer 18-22, but can be into the late 20's)
When these kids are in their teens and gasp, 20s or worse 30's and need rent money, are out of job and need to move home or still in school, it's a royal headache. 
Many in their 50's-60's are sandwiched into dealing with kids and parents. 
Life is far different now. I will never regret having my own, luckily, at a young age.

Agreed. Men can have fertility issues as they age. Thankfully, my DH and I were able to conceive our second child naturally at an older age. I was 39 when our daughter was born and my DH was 46.

That said, Arie is getting older, which I'm sure factors into their decision to get married rather quickly. Jmho.