Bachelorette 15 - Hannah Brown - Media - SM - *Sleuthing Spoilers* #7

sosleepy wrote:

msjr wrote:Hypocrisy at its finest. He wasn't worried about Scott or Luke's mental health when he was mocking them online, especially Luke (whom I can't even stand). He didn't worry about the potential effect on Hannah's mental health when he proposed to her without telling her about Hayley. But here comes the lecture now that the shoe is on the other foot. Death threats and other such over-the-top behavior should not be tolerated, but perhaps this will all be a much needed learning lesson for Jed.

Boom. This.

Boom is right!

This is what Jed is doing. Blame-shifting to the public when They couldn’t take the heat.   He’s a classic emotional abuser given his serial cheating behavior.

Blame-shifting is an emotionally abusive behaviour or tactic. These are some definitions or descriptions of blame-shifting:

1. Blame-Shifting: Abusers have difficulty taking responsibility for problems. They go as far as necessary to attribute blame for their circumstances to anyone else, even if it may sound somewhat conspiratorial. Similarly, they don’t accept ownership of their emotions. They typically express both negative and positive feelings with language like, “You make me so mad.” Blame may be attributed more subtly by starting with first-person language, as with, “I wouldn’t have to do this if you didn’t…”

2. An abuser has a great capacity for self-deception. He projects the blame for his relationship difficulties onto his partner. He wouldn’t get angry if only she would not nag him so much. He would not lie if she didn’t get upset.

3. An emotional abuser sets up a dynamic where the victim comes to believe that they are to blame and that they must work harder to fix the problems (such as improving the relationship.) This never works because the problem is not the victim; the abusive behavior is the problem. Nothing you do will change that. No matter how nice and accommodating you are, nothing that you do will change an emotionally abusive person’s behavior. In fact, many people get even more aggressive when you try to make it better, because they sense that you think it’s your fault, and this confirms their own beliefs!

4. Blame-shifting or “blaming the victim” is a form of context switching and crazymaking. When you are confronting them on something they did or attempting to set boundaries, they switch the whole focus back to you, and thus put you on the defensive. Now the focus is on you and they slither away. This gets you way off track and off balance right where they want you–derailed. Clever huh, unless you are on the receiving end of this CRAZY MAKING.

5. In order to discredit a victim, an abuser will often blame the victim for their own actions, even going so far as to say the victim is in fact the one who committed the abuse. This may cause the victim to feel defeated or like they are losing their mind. In a particularly weakened state, the victim may even believe they are at fault. Abusers often claim friends, family, mental health professionals, church leaders or other authorities are in agreement with them, which has the effect of isolating the victim and preventing the victim from getting help. Now the abuser has all the power and control over the victim and their relationship.

6. Blame-shifting is a way to escape taking responsibility for an act or even discussing it.

https://distantspark.wordpress.com/what-is-blame-shifting/

https://www.instagram.com/p/BzrYpMoHvGB/?igshid=sneuk11s8so

Interesting that when Tyler's Dad was ill, Tyler ran his business AND provided emotional supported to his Mom and younger brothers. Tyler's a grown up.

We got a bit more clarity on the power of attorney/last rites thing--Tyler was asked to sign whether his Dad would get surgery, if I heard right.

SarahD wrote:This is what Jed is doing. Blame-shifting to the public when They couldn’t take the heat.   He’s a classic emotional abuser given his serial cheating behavior.

Blame-shifting is an emotionally abusive behaviour or tactic. These are some definitions or descriptions of blame-shifting:

1. Blame-Shifting: Abusers have difficulty taking responsibility for problems. They go as far as necessary to attribute blame for their circumstances to anyone else, even if it may sound somewhat conspiratorial. Similarly, they don’t accept ownership of their emotions. They typically express both negative and positive feelings with language like, “You make me so mad.” Blame may be attributed more subtly by starting with first-person language, as with, “I wouldn’t have to do this if you didn’t…”

2. An abuser has a great capacity for self-deception. He projects the blame for his relationship difficulties onto his partner. He wouldn’t get angry if only she would not nag him so much. He would not lie if she didn’t get upset.

3. An emotional abuser sets up a dynamic where the victim comes to believe that they are to blame and that they must work harder to fix the problems (such as improving the relationship.) This never works because the problem is not the victim; the abusive behavior is the problem. Nothing you do will change that. No matter how nice and accommodating you are, nothing that you do will change an emotionally abusive person’s behavior. In fact, many people get even more aggressive when you try to make it better, because they sense that you think it’s your fault, and this confirms their own beliefs!

4. Blame-shifting or “blaming the victim” is a form of context switching and crazymaking. When you are confronting them on something they did or attempting to set boundaries, they switch the whole focus back to you, and thus put you on the defensive. Now the focus is on you and they slither away. This gets you way off track and off balance right where they want you–derailed. Clever huh, unless you are on the receiving end of this CRAZY MAKING.

5. In order to discredit a victim, an abuser will often blame the victim for their own actions, even going so far as to say the victim is in fact the one who committed the abuse. This may cause the victim to feel defeated or like they are losing their mind. In a particularly weakened state, the victim may even believe they are at fault. Abusers often claim friends, family, mental health professionals, church leaders or other authorities are in agreement with them, which has the effect of isolating the victim and preventing the victim from getting help. Now the abuser has all the power and control over the victim and their relationship.

6. Blame-shifting is a way to escape taking responsibility for an act or even discussing it.

Jed's a sneakier gaslighter than Luke, unfortunately. Harder to identify, but clearly it's there.

So Hannah did not like both Jed and Luke posts by Cary. She only liked the Peter and Tyler.

Also, Hannah posted a story by a producer referring to a “family photo” that seems to be a parody of Jed’s post. Even they can see through the sympathy/woe-is-me post by Jed. Really interesting.

None of the other guys liked Jed’s post except Garrett?

SarahD wrote:This is what Jed is doing. Blame-shifting to the public when They couldn’t take the heat.   He’s a classic emotional abuser given his serial cheating behavior.

Blame-shifting is an emotionally abusive behaviour or tactic. These are some definitions or descriptions of blame-shifting:

1. Blame-Shifting: Abusers have difficulty taking responsibility for problems. They go as far as necessary to attribute blame for their circumstances to anyone else, even if it may sound somewhat conspiratorial. Similarly, they don’t accept ownership of their emotions. They typically express both negative and positive feelings with language like, “You make me so mad.” Blame may be attributed more subtly by starting with first-person language, as with, “I wouldn’t have to do this if you didn’t…”

2. An abuser has a great capacity for self-deception. He projects the blame for his relationship difficulties onto his partner. He wouldn’t get angry if only she would not nag him so much. He would not lie if she didn’t get upset.

3. An emotional abuser sets up a dynamic where the victim comes to believe that they are to blame and that they must work harder to fix the problems (such as improving the relationship.) This never works because the problem is not the victim; the abusive behavior is the problem. Nothing you do will change that. No matter how nice and accommodating you are, nothing that you do will change an emotionally abusive person’s behavior. In fact, many people get even more aggressive when you try to make it better, because they sense that you think it’s your fault, and this confirms their own beliefs!

4. Blame-shifting or “blaming the victim” is a form of context switching and crazymaking. When you are confronting them on something they did or attempting to set boundaries, they switch the whole focus back to you, and thus put you on the defensive. Now the focus is on you and they slither away. This gets you way off track and off balance right where they want you–derailed. Clever huh, unless you are on the receiving end of this CRAZY MAKING.

5. In order to discredit a victim, an abuser will often blame the victim for their own actions, even going so far as to say the victim is in fact the one who committed the abuse. This may cause the victim to feel defeated or like they are losing their mind. In a particularly weakened state, the victim may even believe they are at fault. Abusers often claim friends, family, mental health professionals, church leaders or other authorities are in agreement with them, which has the effect of isolating the victim and preventing the victim from getting help. Now the abuser has all the power and control over the victim and their relationship.

6. Blame-shifting is a way to escape taking responsibility for an act or even discussing it.

Thank you for sharing @SarahD. This needs to be understood more so that better choices can be made and resources allocated to help victims. It’s used by Luke to the HILT as well...

Jed: This is real

Jed's family:#TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/eYdRlnVHBZ

— Lauren Zima (@laurenzima) July 9, 2019

https://twitter.com/laurenzima/status/1148419919781826562?s=21

@Sharnee thanks for bringing LZ’s tweet over. I need to go and check out her other tweets because in as much as she feigns she that she is not in the know; it was her IMO being savage on Jed 2 weeks ago via tweets that made me suspect that Hannah had broken the engagement. LZ IMO will drop clues re any plans for AFTR via tweets.

@mercieme You’re welcome

*SPOILER* #TheBachelorette: Jed BLEW UP over Luke going to fantasy suites too, said Luke has been a 'toxin' in the process https://t.co/vFuZJABmY9

— Lauren Zima (@laurenzima) July 9, 2019

https://twitter.com/laurenzima/status/1148428586077962240?s=21

Does jed seriously not know what a POS he is that he has the audacity to “blow up” over anything anyone else is doing? It’s like he doesn’t remember Haley and the other gf and who knows what/who else too?

Sharnee wrote:@mercieme You’re welcome

*SPOILER* #TheBachelorette: Jed BLEW UP over Luke going to fantasy suites too, said Luke has been a 'toxin' in the process https://t.co/vFuZJABmY9

— Lauren Zima (@laurenzima) July 9, 2019

https://twitter.com/laurenzima/status/1148428586077962240?s=21

Wow! Lauren is not holding back. Jed just doesn’t have a clue at all