Jared Haibon - Bachelorette 11 -BIP - Season 3 - Discussion

I have to question Jared's judgement in his "friendship" with Ashley as he went on the week-long vacation with her and others after filming BIP. Somehow, he keeps giving her hope.  Ashley I did say on AP last night that Jared was a super nice guy and did wonderful things like send her red roses for her birthday which she misinterpreted and that is just the type of guy he is.   But It sounds to me Jared does send her mix-messages. JMO.

Does Jared have a job? TIA

^^He did have a job, he is a restaurant manager at in Providence RI.  

You are manager of Providence Oyster Bar and Federal Taphouse. How has life working in a restaurant changed?

I am part of a management team. My role hasn’t changed all that much. They have been more than accommodating with my schedule. When I got back, I was able to sit down with them and talk about how my schedule is going to be not the most accommodating over the next few months. They were more than willing to help me out, which is awesome.

Source

AshleyI straight up said she will never see Jared as just a friend. It is maddening that despite this Jared is still saying that AshleyI is a close friend, all in the context of her ongoing obsession. I gave him a pass somewhat because I thought perhaps he was moving in the direction of cutting the cord, but I don't understand how after seeing how Ashley's treated Caila (on and off the show) he still doesn't want anything to change. AshleyI manipulated the situation and told Caila that she couldn't meet Jared because she knew he'd like her, and yet he still considers AshleyI a friend. HOW? I don't understand what kind of "friendship" involves your friend sabotaging your future relationships, claiming you as their own, and saying that they're still in love with you and always will be.

That not long after all of this drama happens he still goes on vacation with Ashley is even more galling. Again HOW? I've been trying to figure it out because I thought Jared had a better head on his shoulders, but IMO there's some sort of twisted relationship they can't let go of. He's going to need a lot of luck in the future if he ever wants a long-term relationship with someone. Jared had the opportunity to make a real change, and I think he'll look back on this all with regret. All JMO.

I'm hoping Jared watched After Paradise and listened to what James Gunn said about him. He really needs to hear more of that and less of how nice he is. His behavior is enabled just as much as Ashley I's behavior is. It's clear to me that Jared is not a bad guy and that he genuinely likes Caila but this is never going to work with her or any future woman if he doesn't put his foot down.

All JMO.

We don't know that Caila and Jared are not a couple do we?

Jared behaved like a "guilty" man on last night's show, IMO.  He never came out and said on camera at least, that they were friends and had no romantic future together. Instead, he said he should leave.  WTH?   And it is the months of off-camera time they have spent together -- they have met each others family?  They kiss?  Since Ashley I. has never had a intimate relationship, she obviously considers what they have had to be a relationship. Jared needed to cut the cord months ago, but instead got himself in deeper.  Also, to say to Glamour magazine that Caila and Ashley don't paint each others toes just rubs it in further.  If Caila and Jared are still together he will be lucky she doesn't dump him!  
JMO

MiniDiva wrote:I have to question Jared's judgement in his "friendship" with Ashley as he went on the week-long vacation with her and others after filming BIP. Somehow, he keeps giving her hope.  Ashley I did say on AP last night that Jared was a super nice guy and did wonderful things like send her red roses for her birthday which she misinterpreted and that is just the type of guy he is.   But It sounds to me Jared does send her mix-messages.  JMO.

I don't even think the red roses were specifically for her birthday. Sounds like he always sends them to her. This is honestly a lot of his fault. He keeps her on the side because he knows she'll always be there. He "friends with benefits" her whenever he wants. It sounds like their realtionship is completely controlled by him in that way. He's never completely straight forward with her. IMO.

I don't get Jared, and if we leave Caila completely out out of the equotion, I feel sorry for Ashley. I don't agree what she did to Caila, it's manipulative, twisted, and wrong. But I do think that Jared is giving her hope that something more could come out of it. First, he sends her flowers for her birthday.
Second, and more importantly, when she came to paradise this episode, she flat out told him that it's hard for her to watch him with someone else, that she's always going to have feelings for him, and that it may be better if she left (which would have been a smart thing to do, these two need space). His answer to that: He wants her there, he wants her to stay. Man, talk about giving the girl mixed signals!
Next, after everything that happened in paradise, and while he's seeing Caila, he goes on vacation with her, her sister, and a married couple (Janner). There, he rubs mud all over her body. Of course the girl will think something more could come out of it. He's on vacation with her, another couple, and her sister. So she could think it's a vacation of 2 couples with the single sister coming along.
He's also spending time with her family. I read that they also met each others parents a few times, unnecessary if know the girl has feelings for you and it may give her hope, imo.
I don't know if deep down Jared has feelings for Ashley, and doesn't want to admit to it, or, which is more likely imo, he enjoys the attention he gets from her and doesn't want to loose it. All of this doesn't make him a bad guy but someone needs to cut the cord. Ashley is never going to get over him as long as they are such close friends.

He needs to man up and draw a line.  If Ashley's unable to deal with that or respect it, cut her off.  He'll never be able to have a happy, successful relationship with anyone one, that's not interrupted and filled with drama from Ashley any time she wants to throw a tantrum about him caring for someone else besides her, if he doesn't.  Nice guys can set boundaries... He needs to stop letting Ashley have her way, walk all over him and dictate how their friendship/relationship and any other he might want to be in goes.  JMO

It's obvious he needs to work on the situation.
It's obvious this will not be resolved sometime soon. Hopefully he is even aware of the situation or issue and the need to change.
As far as Caila is concerned, there are other fish in the sea. JMOAA.

I do think Jared had strong feelings for Caila (it will be interesting to see if they're spotted together again) and I think that he was absolutely smitten the moment she arrived. I actually think if they have broken up he will really miss her. However, this AshleyI situation needed to end months ago and it didn't.

Jared has been continually praised for being a nice guy, and I think at times this actually has worked against him. He's so concerned with being seen as "nice" that he forgets that there's more important things than how you're perceived. Being truly a good guy would mean standing up for someone you care about when no-one else is, even if it makes you unpopular. I think he still has a lot of growing to do and his inability to see what's wrong with his relationship with AshleyI clearly demonstrates that.

Jared seems like a good guy, with flaws like everyone else. However, if he wants to find long-term happiness in the future he needs to do some more work on himself and cut the ties he keeps holding onto. He has the capacity to do so, but if he stays in this bachelor bubble he might forget to begin.

I think he likes the perks the friendship brings, the attention she gives him, and her as a person. He doesn't want a relationship with her, but he doesn't want her out of his life or to set boundaries (he's crossing them all the time ffs). IMO.