MAFS - Season 4 - Derek Schwartz - Heather Seidel

theKeptGrits wrote:My tablet won't allow me to edit and add. So posting comment # 2

I don't think that Heather is out of Derek's league except in her mind. When she left him in the cave that was rude. Biking ahead of him was a way of keeping distance.
Saying she was too tired and needed to rest was just pathetic. I loved that the preacher checked her on it.

Re the bolded: Me Too!!!

Heather is 100 percent checked out and not living up to her commitment. While I am not personally attracted to Derek, I think he means well and is willing to try. She is not. Unfortunate for all involved!!

I "WAS" once married to a man like Derek and what a person like that doesn't understand is that once they show that immature aggressive behavior it's such a turnoff it's just over. The words that are spoken cannot be unspoken and they are stuck in the other persons head whether that person is a good person or not. If he had just laid back a little a kept his darn mouth shut he might have had a chance imo.
I also agree with all the other comments regarding his anger and aggression stemming from withdrawal being nicotine, pot, alcohol or whatever, it's clearly a sign.

I also found it irritating that Rev Calvin went after Heather for the way she was sitting saying she had a wall up meanwhile Derek was sitting there leaning back with his arms crossed shaking his head! Imo his position was MUCH more withdrawn.

I dislike Pastor Calvin. IMO he is not a very good marriage counselor. IMO, from what we have seen, he repeatedly goes after Heather but says very little to Derek about the things he did to turn Heather off. I don't feel a marriage counselor should be taking sides like that, they are supposed to be a neutral party. If Pastor Calvin is taking Derek to task, then the show doesn't show it, IMO.

Fun stuff. I've been watching these threads all season and have resisted the urge to post because, frankly...these two were dunzo from day 2. Hardly worth getting into an online disagreement over.

I'll just say I find it ironic that this thread has 24 pages. The thread for the one relationship that is an obvious dumpster fire. The threads for the other relationships--which are not-- have about 9 each. What does that say about us?

Lastly, if they go 0 for 3 again, I think I'll be weaned off this show and can move along.

My guess is Heather says she's out or else they'd be showing us where they go from here instead of dragging this out.  I can't blame her.  As others have mentioned, Derek's fighting tactics are not something I'd want to deal with for an additional four weeks if I had a way out.  

IMO, there's nothing appealing about him.  He's screams CREEP to me.  And his woe-is-me conversations come across as completely disingenuous to me.  Can't put a finger on exactly why but when he talks, I find my head shaking in disagreement with him.  

And I believe Heather has her own issues as well.  As I mentioned in earlier posts, I think she checked out as soon as she saw him.  His smoking, his fighting, his pettiness (hand-holding with the surf instructor) just added to that.  I think she's just done.

FYI We discuss TV shows here, we don't get into a disagreement. Everyone's opinions are welcome.

@theKeptGrits I agree with you. Heather comes across so entitled to me. She behaves like a whiney teenager.

I would like some proof that Derek is smoking pot, otherwise we need to change our wording. I don't recall any substantial proof. If it's speculation then we must use speculated that he is smoking pot.

Mustang19 wrote:My take on Derek is he is/has been all in for this marriage since day 1. Heather was all in, until he opened his mouth. I think she was okay with the wedding, but once things started going south, and saw how he argues or behaves when in a disagreement (one trying to keep it civil, one trying to attack and name call) she regretted her decision. After that, there is no going back. He doesn't have enough redeeming qualities for her to want to make it work so she checked out. I don't really think his looks are what she's not attracted to, it's his actions and words. For me personally, I don't find his looks unattractive, but I find him very immature. They are in different leagues.

Very well articulated post. I agree 100%.

theKeptGrits wrote:When she left him in the cave that was rude. Biking ahead of him was a way of keeping distance.

For the record, I agree with both of these points. I'm more on her side than his, but she's not completely innocent. Both of these moves, assuming the cave scene editing wasn't different than real life, were poor behavior on her end as well.

jupitercornflakes wrote:I dislike Pastor Calvin. IMO he is not a very good marriage counselor. IMO, from what we have seen, he repeatedly goes after Heather but says very little to Derek about the things he did to turn Heather off. I don't feel a marriage counselor should be taking sides like that, they are supposed to be a neutral party. If Pastor Calvin is taking Derek to task, then the show doesn't show it, IMO.

I agree with this. Not so much that he seems to be picking sides, but because when I watch him, he appears to be a puppet to the show. Whether you agree with Heather or not, you have to understand she went through what she feels is a week from hell, and then right off the plane they go to a meeting with Calvin. This isn't a regular meeting - they need to work on makeup, camera setup, everything it takes to prepare them to look good on TV, then he aggressively calls her out for "not trying" and then attempts to force her to make a decision on the spot. As if the situation wasn't already stressful enough. To me, that screams "we need to capture this moment for dramatic purposes", rather than give her what she asked for more than once. A night to reflect on it, and see if she is able to continue. We all know she's going to bolt the marriage, but in a "real" counseling session, she'd be given that time to wind down.

Once again, JMO, but I'm sorry I think the pastor played the part for the show.  To allow her to simply get off the hook by saying she was drained and tired and wanted to go home doesn't fly with me.  A good counselor would want to speak to her when she was raw.  That is not to say a decision had to be made then, but certainly more of an effort could have been made to have her bring voice her emotions and feelings.  Most especially due to the bizarre circumstances of such a relationship, he should have really forced her to deal with what her perception of their problems were at that moment.  Now it should go without saying that he may have and the producers may have chosen not to show it, in which case we are back to the "unreality" of this show. It is all for production value and I feel badly for all of them as this is a show first and we are talking about real people and real emotions.  I do not totally subscribe to the school of thought of "they knew what they were getting themselves into when they signed on the dotted line" but, they had to know that the chance it could unravel quickly was a possibility.

Tabloids are upfront about Derek smoking pot. The Knot refers to his smoking causing an altered stated. Look at Derek's face during the wedding and early honeymoon. Then look again after he stopped getting loaded. I imagine the show is tiptoeing the subject given it's illegal to possess and smoke pot in both Florida and Puerto Rico.