MAFS - Season 4 - Derek Schwartz - Heather Seidel

Ruqibabe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

Ruqibabe wrote:

I am a bit confused. How has his behavior been inappropriate?

When they started the honeymoon Derek seems to have been getting high everyday. It is hard to get to know someone who is high. When she brought it up he got defensive and angry. He yelled at her and insulted her. Then when they were supposed to be getting past that he decided to pick apart everything she did. The surfing instructor held her hand so she wouldn't get knocked down when going into the deeper water and Derek yelled at her for that. He attacked her appearance and her age, even though he is a few years older. They said some nice things to each other in the caves, her responses seemed better thought out. But when it was time to leave he got mad again. He claimed she drank too much, but during the dinner at the end when she was telling him to "Chug it", he said he thought she was only acting flirty because she was tipsy. If she had previously drinking as much as he tried to claim, then would't she have been tipsy on other days. Is she drinking as much as the show tried to make it seem? Or is it another case of manipulative editing?

I have so much to say.. I don't even know where to start. Before typing my long response, let me post next week's preview maybe we might understand Derek's POV.


http://www.fyi.tv/shows/married-at-first-sight/videos/derek-and-heathers-honeymoon-is-definitely-over

http://www.fyi.tv/shows/married-at-first-sight/videos/pastor-calvin-is-blunt-with-heather-and-derek

I definitely understand Derek''s position.  Heather finds fault in everything he does.  IMO, Heather just wants what she wants and was/is not open to establishing a relationship with Derek like she agreed to do.  Why does Derek have to perfect in order for their marriage to work?  Imo, most of Derek''s frustration stems for Heather''s unwillingness to work on their marriage.  Jmo

Jackenzo wrote:Using US magazine's quote is what Derek said: "I'm very well aware of the fact that not everyone's going to be attracted to me," Derek began. "She's not really my type either. Heather's no spring chicken. You know, they say men age like wine, and women age like milk. She's 32 years old. In dog years, she's 180 or whatever, so you do the math, and I don't know, she's not attracted to me." Yes, he gave Heather's age in dog years (though he didn't do the math correctly).

Not having heard Derek (basically) calling her a dog (and offending women everywhere), Heather went to dinner with him for a final supper before heading home. During the meal, she was more sociable than usual … probably because she got very, very drunk. Derek actually saw this as a good thing, noting that it was the friendliest she'd ever been with him."

Heather accused him of being an emotional teenager based on his jealousy with the surf instructor.  I think it was also because he got his knickers in a knot because she wanted out of the caves - allegedly because people are waiting.  How long do we think they were there.  Just getting the camera crew down there and walking through would take a while.  It appears if things do not go Derek's way he gets nasty.  

I am not a huge fan of Heather's but Derek's nastiness seems to be fueled by her rejecting him.  

ITA with this post. One thing buffled me is why the show hide the fact that he is  a pot smoker?...and unfairly make Heather as the "villain" for having a serious objection about it. . In fact, she seems terrified the whole time (on 4:34 mark..its implied in her confession)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAPYiilSnZsBzoih2IiFAog

Sure, Heather is a tough cookie...and i see her as the "Ashley (S3) of this season". but the fact that the show give a pot smoker an easy pass to be paired with someone and building a last marriage...duh...i am speechless. We are talking about people's real lives here!  

I finally realized that Heather's villain edit may root from the fact that she chose to walk out during the process, not even bother to finish the 6 weeks mark, as rumored by several reports pre-season. (which i think will pans out next episode).It might also explain why not a single one of her family and friends appeared on Jamie's unfiltered...and that strange personal interview of her with Jamie (with different background, that look like a telecast).

The US franchise of Bach series is well known to give the walk out contestant a bad/villain edit. In this sense, turns out MAFS is no different. . All JMO

^^^I still think that the whole weed thing was/is part their storyline and producer driven.  Did Heather go into this situation with blinders on???  Did she not know that the producers can create any situation to fit their storyline?

[quote="Joy15"]

Jackenzo wrote:SNIPPED


Sure, Heather is a tough cookie...and i see her as the "Ashley (S3) of this season". but the fact that the show give a pot smoker an easy pass to be paired with someone and building a last marriage...duh...i am speechless. We are talking about people's real lives here!  
. All JMO

The really truly sad part of this is that apparently this is not an aberration. Do they try, sure, but I am not so sure how thorough a job they actually do in some of the basic stuff that would create problems. Questions galore but there seem to be many gaps in the most basic ways. I did watch season 1 & 2. Skipped 3 because of total disgust and actually didn't set out to watch season 4 but got roped into it when a visiting friend wanted to watch. I think, statistically almost any theory can work and a few "winners" will emerge, but that is not the basis for building a good marriage, IMO. I have stayed before that I think, H & D may have been a distant 4th couple, and when the original couple #3 backed out they simply punted to H & D. Sadder, even still is that regardless of blame, they now have more "baggage" as viewers tune in to watch and the tabloids blast their story across the front pages. I don't think anyone deserves to have additional heartache over a failed relationship, but, if you deliberately place yourself in such a situation, you have to take the good with the bad. I honestly feel sad for both of them. I did feel worse however, for Jessica Castro, who I feel the so called experts, actually placed her in danger for the sake of a TV show.

2observe wrote:

Ruqibabe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

When they started the honeymoon Derek seems to have been getting high everyday. It is hard to get to know someone who is high. When she brought it up he got defensive and angry. He yelled at her and insulted her. Then when they were supposed to be getting past that he decided to pick apart everything she did. The surfing instructor held her hand so she wouldn't get knocked down when going into the deeper water and Derek yelled at her for that. He attacked her appearance and her age, even though he is a few years older. They said some nice things to each other in the caves, her responses seemed better thought out. But when it was time to leave he got mad again. He claimed she drank too much, but during the dinner at the end when she was telling him to "Chug it", he said he thought she was only acting flirty because she was tipsy. If she had previously drinking as much as he tried to claim, then would't she have been tipsy on other days. Is she drinking as much as the show tried to make it seem? Or is it another case of manipulative editing?

I have so much to say.. I don't even know where to start. Before typing my long response, let me post next week's preview maybe we might understand Derek's POV.


http://www.fyi.tv/shows/married-at-first-sight/videos/derek-and-heathers-honeymoon-is-definitely-over

http://www.fyi.tv/shows/married-at-first-sight/videos/pastor-calvin-is-blunt-with-heather-and-derek

I definitely understand Derek''s position.  Heather finds fault in everything he does.  IMO, Heather just wants what she wants and was/is not open to establishing a relationship with Derek like she agreed to do.  Why does Derek have to perfect in order for their marriage to work?  Imo, most of Derek''s frustration stems for Heather''s unwillingness to work on their marriage.  Jmo

I disagree. When Derek decided that getting stoned was more important than getting to know Heather, he was sending her a clear message that he really didn't care. That was was when she started to check out because there was no point in her trying with someone who couldn't be bothered. I'm going to be willing to bet that Pastor Calvin won't even mention Derek's anger. IMO, Derek's anger and treatment of Heather was inexcusable. No one should put up with being attacked like that. I find it shameful that any woman is expected to try and fix a relationship with a petty and angry man child.

jupitercornflakes wrote:

2observe wrote:

Ruqibabe wrote:
I have so much to say.. I don't even know where to start. Before typing my long response, let me post next week's preview maybe we might understand Derek's POV.


http://www.fyi.tv/shows/married-at-first-sight/videos/derek-and-heathers-honeymoon-is-definitely-over

http://www.fyi.tv/shows/married-at-first-sight/videos/pastor-calvin-is-blunt-with-heather-and-derek

I definitely understand Derek''s position.  Heather finds fault in everything he does.  IMO, Heather just wants what she wants and was/is not open to establishing a relationship with Derek like she agreed to do.  Why does Derek have to perfect in order for their marriage to work?  Imo, most of Derek''s frustration stems for Heather''s unwillingness to work on their marriage.  Jmo

I disagree. When Derek decided that getting stoned was more important than getting to know Heather, he was sending her a clear message that he really didn't care. That was was when she started to check out because there was no point in her trying with someone who couldn't be bothered. I'm going to be willing to bet that Pastor Calvin won't even mention Derek's anger. IMO, Derek's anger and treatment of Heather was inexcusable. No one should put up with being attacked like that. I find it shameful that any woman is expected to try and fix a relationship with a petty and angry man child.

1. I don't even know where to start. Why are we so stuck on this smoking issue? Did he screw up by smoking? Yes. As a mature woman, I just wonder why Heather couldn't express her displeasure and concern about this issue. According to the preview, she became cold on day 2. Isn't that the day, he started smoking. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with the frequency. Heather had a problem with the ACT OF SMOKING. if you are strongly against the act why give him the permission. After the argument, Derek stopped smoking so I dont understand the ' he was sending her a clear message that he really didn't care'. Imagine if she had said it on that second day, maybe things wouldnt have gone that bad. Why some women can't speak their damn mind is beyond me?

2. The ANGER: I don't understand why we expect Derek to be ecstatically happy at being rejected how realistic is that. Heather told him she hates forced emotions so no holding hands or kissing. What's the big deal about holding hands? When did that become sex? Can she get pregnant for holding hands? After being told abt the no holding hands policy, she held hands with the surfing instructor which might have been innocent. But from Derek's POV, it translates as total rejection. She is willing to touch other strangers but not him. As if that isnt enough, Heather left him in cave without saying a word. When he expressed his concerns? She called him a child. How is a sane person not suppose to be hurt? Should he have said some of the hurtful words? Nope but I can bet it, he was very hurt. I can bet it, most of us have said worst things when hurt.

I am tired of some of these wives quiting the marriage because the husbands are not their type. Just friendzone them and see what can happen. How difficult is that?

BTW this petty and angry man child has NEVER bashed or insulted Heather on SM. I wonder why

Ruqibabe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

2observe wrote:
I definitely understand Derek''s position.  Heather finds fault in everything he does.  IMO, Heather just wants what she wants and was/is not open to establishing a relationship with Derek like she agreed to do.  Why does Derek have to perfect in order for their marriage to work?  Imo, most of Derek''s frustration stems for Heather''s unwillingness to work on their marriage.  Jmo

I disagree. When Derek decided that getting stoned was more important than getting to know Heather, he was sending her a clear message that he really didn't care. That was was when she started to check out because there was no point in her trying with someone who couldn't be bothered. I'm going to be willing to bet that Pastor Calvin won't even mention Derek's anger. IMO, Derek's anger and treatment of Heather was inexcusable. No one should put up with being attacked like that. I find it shameful that any woman is expected to try and fix a relationship with a petty and angry man child.

1. I don't even know where to start. Why are we so stuck on this smoking issue? Did he screw up by smoking? Yes. As a mature woman, I just wonder why Heather couldn't express her displeasure and concern about this issue. According to the preview, she became cold on day 2. Isn't that the day, he started smoking. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with the frequency. Heather had a problem with the ACT OF SMOKING. if you are strongly against the act why give him the permission. After the argument, Derek stopped smoking so I dont understand the ' he was sending her a clear message that he really didn't care'. Imagine if she had said it on that second day, maybe things wouldnt have gone that bad. Why some women can't speak their damn mind is beyond me?

2. The ANGER: I don't understand why we expect Derek to be ecstatically happy at being rejected how realistic is that. Heather told him she hates forced emotions so no holding hands or kissing. What's the big deal about holding hands? When did that become sex? Can she get pregnant for holding hands? After being told abt the no holding hands policy, she held hands with the surfing instructor which might have been innocent. But from Derek's POV, it translates as total rejection. She is willing to touch other strangers but not him. As if that isnt enough, Heather left him in cave without saying a word. When he expressed his concerns? She called him a child. How is a sane person not suppose to be hurt? Should he have said some of the hurtful words? Nope but I can bet it, he was very hurt. I can bet it, most of us have said worst things when hurt.

I am tired of some of these wives quiting the marriage because the husbands are not their type. Just friendzone them and see what can happen. How difficult is that?

BTW this petty and angry man child has NEVER bashed or insulted Heather on SM. I wonder why

1. It matters because you cannot get to know someone who is high. And I'm willing to bet she said it was ok because she didn't expect him to get high  several days in a row. And the reason many women don't speak their minds is because society has taught women to to be quiet and not make waves. **** IMO****

2. You can have an argument  without making abusive comments. But that is not what Derek did. He made several statements that were very cruel and very personal. That is not what adults do. She did not do that to him. She kept her comments to how he was behaving.

I'm tired of seeing women told they need to make it work with losers, while no one ever focuses on how these men behave.

The only reason he is not blatantly insulting her on SM is because he would risk violating his contract with the show. That hasn't stopped him from making comments that are veiled insults. And it is worth noting that he did not take ownership of the the unacceptable things he said. He made a pathetic excuse and as usual few people take him to task for it.

***IMO***

jupitercornflakes wrote:

1. It matters because you cannot get to know someone who is high. And I'm willing to bet she said it was ok because she didn't expect him to get high  several days in a row. And the reason many women don't speak their minds is because society has taught women to to be quiet and not make waves.

2. You can have an argument  without making abusive comments. But that is not what Derek did. He made several statements that were very cruel and very personal. That is not what adults do. She did not do that to him. She kept her comments to how he was behaving.

I'm tired of seeing women told they need to make it work with losers, while no one ever focuses on how these men behave.

The only reason he is not blatantly insulting her on SM is because he would risk violating his contract with the show. That hasn't stopped him from making comments that are veiled insults. And it is worth noting that he did not take ownership of the the unacceptable things he said. He made a pathetic excuse and as usual few people take him to task for it.  

1. When did she start acting cold/checked out?  Day 2. Watch the preview video. He asked her about it on day 5 but she started withdrawing on day 2. This proves that your severAL days in a row logic is flawed.
Society has taught women to be quiet. This is the same woman that told Derek to stop kissing her shoulder because she hates forced affection. She also told him not to hold her hands. Some women keep quiet when it favors them or maybe they need a get out of jail card.

2. The only cruel comment I heard was the spring chick/milk comment. I am trying to figure out the others. The spring chick comment was made to the camera when I assumed they asked for his opinion. I wonder what we would say when we say things at our lowest times. He was definitely wrong for saying that. Let's keep in mind that Heather inferred that he was classless and immoral. She also said he was acting like a tennager and a child. They have both said hurtful things to each other.

We are wondering why women are told to stay with 'losers'. So you know he is a loser after watching a heavily edited show. People that have known him for a while attested to it that he is a standup guy. BTW i havnt seen anyone anonymous person say otherwise (remember David). Women that are quick to judge should never sign up for this show.

When has contracts ever stopped anyone. Ashley and family went all out last season. Ryan D and Jess were at each other's neck on instagram. I follow him on instagram and twitter. I have never heard him say anything bad abt her. Infact he has defended her.  

Regarding the spring chick comment, he did say he was a bit salty. I saw that has taking ownership. I don't think it's difficult to believe that people say terrible things at their lowest moment.

https://twitter.com/derek_mafs/status/768263767251644416

This is all my opinion

Reminder, please make use of IMO JMHO etc, It's confusing to read posts that are not fact without sources to back up the post. If it's not fact, then its IMO.

Ruqibabe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

1. It matters because you cannot get to know someone who is high. And I'm willing to bet she said it was ok because she didn't expect him to get high  several days in a row. And the reason many women don't speak their minds is because society has taught women to to be quiet and not make waves.

2. You can have an argument  without making abusive comments. But that is not what Derek did. He made several statements that were very cruel and very personal. That is not what adults do. She did not do that to him. She kept her comments to how he was behaving.

I'm tired of seeing women told they need to make it work with losers, while no one ever focuses on how these men behave.

The only reason he is not blatantly insulting her on SM is because he would risk violating his contract with the show. That hasn't stopped him from making comments that are veiled insults. And it is worth noting that he did not take ownership of the the unacceptable things he said. He made a pathetic excuse and as usual few people take him to task for it.  

1. When did she start acting cold/checked out?  Day 2. Watch the preview video. He asked her about it on day 5 but she started withdrawing on day 2. This proves that your severAL days in a row logic is flawed.
Society has taught women to be quiet. This is the same woman that told Derek to stop kissing her shoulder because she hates forced affection. She also told him not to hold her hands. Some women keep quiet when it favors them or maybe they need a get out of jail card.

2. The only cruel comment I heard was the spring chick/milk comment. I am trying to figure out the others. The spring chick comment was made to the camera when I assumed they asked for his opinion. I wonder what we would say when we say things at our lowest times. He was definitely wrong for saying that. Let's keep in mind that Heather inferred that he was classless and immoral. She also said he was acting like a tennager and a child. They have both said hurtful things to each other.

We are wondering why women are told to stay with 'losers'. So you know he is a loser after watching a heavily edited show. People that have known him for a while attested to it that he is a standup guy. BTW i havnt seen anyone anonymous person say otherwise (remember David). Women that are quick to judge should never sign up for this show.

When has contracts ever stopped anyone. Ashley and family went all out last season. Ryan D and Jess were at each other's neck on instagram. I follow him on instagram and twitter. I have never heard him say anything bad abt her. Infact he has defended her.  

Regarding the spring chick comment, he did say he was a bit salty. I saw that has taking ownership. I don't think it's difficult to believe that people say terrible things at their lowest moment.

https://twitter.com/derek_mafs/status/768263767251644416

This is all my opinion

1. Editing can make anyone look cold. Reality show producers have admitted that they can edit a person to seem any way that they want.

2. When he was shouting at her he told her that if she was so great she wouldn't have been single.

Anyone who treats someone the way Derek treated Heather is a loser IMO. I'm not going to support men who think it is ok to verbally abuse women for any reason.

Saying he was being salty was not taking ownership, IMO. He did not acknowledge the true nature of what he did. The things he said to her were the same things that anyone who has worked in family services knows to look out for because it was verbal abuse. So until he acknowledges that he was being verbally abusive, then no he is not taking ownership.

Ashley was being viciously attacked for not wanting to married to a violent man. The show didn't have a leg to stand on with Ashley. It is rather upsetting that people are still going after Ashley, even though they know the truth about David.

...

jupitercornflakes wrote:

Ruqibabe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

1. It matters because you cannot get to know someone who is high. And I'm willing to bet she said it was ok because she didn't expect him to get high  several days in a row. And the reason many women don't speak their minds is because society has taught women to to be quiet and not make waves.

2. You can have an argument  without making abusive comments. But that is not what Derek did. He made several statements that were very cruel and very personal. That is not what adults do. She did not do that to him. She kept her comments to how he was behaving.

I'm tired of seeing women told they need to make it work with losers, while no one ever focuses on how these men behave.

The only reason he is not blatantly insulting her on SM is because he would risk violating his contract with the show. That hasn't stopped him from making comments that are veiled insults. And it is worth noting that he did not take ownership of the the unacceptable things he said. He made a pathetic excuse and as usual few people take him to task for it.  

1. When did she start acting cold/checked out?  Day 2. Watch the preview video. He asked her about it on day 5 but she started withdrawing on day 2. This proves that your severAL days in a row logic is flawed.
Society has taught women to be quiet. This is the same woman that told Derek to stop kissing her shoulder because she hates forced affection. She also told him not to hold her hands. Some women keep quiet when it favors them or maybe they need a get out of jail card.

2. The only cruel comment I heard was the spring chick/milk comment. I am trying to figure out the others. The spring chick comment was made to the camera when I assumed they asked for his opinion. I wonder what we would say when we say things at our lowest times. He was definitely wrong for saying that. Let's keep in mind that Heather inferred that he was classless and immoral. She also said he was acting like a tennager and a child. They have both said hurtful things to each other.

We are wondering why women are told to stay with 'losers'. So you know he is a loser after watching a heavily edited show. People that have known him for a while attested to it that he is a standup guy. BTW i havnt seen anyone anonymous person say otherwise (remember David). Women that are quick to judge should never sign up for this show.

When has contracts ever stopped anyone. Ashley and family went all out last season. Ryan D and Jess were at each other's neck on instagram. I follow him on instagram and twitter. I have never heard him say anything bad abt her. Infact he has defended her.  

Regarding the spring chick comment, he did say he was a bit salty. I saw that has taking ownership. I don't think it's difficult to believe that people say terrible things at their lowest moment.

https://twitter.com/derek_mafs/status/768263767251644416

This is all my opinion

1. Editing can make anyone look cold. Reality show producers have admitted that they can edit a person to seem any way that they want.

2. When he was shouting at her he told her that if she was so great she wouldn't have been single.

Anyone who treats someone the way Derek treated Heather is a loser IMO. I'm not going to support men who think it is ok to verbally abuse women for any reason.

Saying he was being salty was not taking ownership, IMO. He did not acknowledge the true nature of what he did. The things he said to her were the same things that anyone who has worked in family services knows to look out for because it was verbal abuse. So until he acknowledges that he was being verbally abusive, then no he is not taking ownership.

Ashley was being viciously attacked for not wanting to married to a violent man. The show didn't have a leg to stand on with Ashley. It is rather upsetting that people are still going after Ashley, even though they know the truth about David.

1. So we are back to editing now. We are to blame editing for making Heather look bad and not Derek. Double standard.  
I love backing my words with proof. Nick and Pastor Calvin spoke for Derek when people were ready to have his head for THAT comment. They definitely have better insight so I trust them. **edited**. Since Heather is in good terms with Nick. See her tweets for proof.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10108066078211453&id=5211570&fs=4

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155218453879251&id=641559250

2. How is you would remain single if you continue like this a verbal abuse? When a man tell a woman the truth he is abusive.. how is he treating her? Apart from the milk/sing chick comment, I don't understand your point.

David that never attacked Ashley even though she went all mean on him on twitter is also called abusive? The truth abt David.. so because David had a record that was long time ago, we are assuming he is abusive. On the other hand, Heather was arrested for DUI and possession  less than 5yrs ago and she isnt an alcoholic. IMO #doublestandard