MAFS - Season 4 - Derek Schwartz - Heather Seidel

I would not be able to live with someone smoking pot everyday. That said, Derek's words make more sense to me. That was the past. Let's move on. Heather is completely able to move on. She does not know how to move forward. They need to have a real conversation, to see if he is willing to stop smoking so much (it appears that he is sober later in the week). What is she doing to make the relationship work? I don't see anything.

I had hoped Derek and Heather would work out, but after the last episode, and seeing her reaction to his smoking (not knowing it was pot at the time), I felt that if the relationship fell apart, it would be her fault. I think he did a good job in trying to talk to her when he returned to the room, but Heather's inability to express herself without coming across as accusatory and judgmental caused more frustration and nothing got resolved. My feeling is, if Heather is opposed to any kind of smoking, recreational drugs, drinking, etc., she should have been honest and made that a deal breaker. Had the experts known her feelings, they would have never matched her with Derek. Derek pointed out that she drinks a lot, but he didn't automatically assume she was an alcoholic because she was enjoying too many cocktails during the honeymoon. I'm glad he said that to Heather. It was his way of saying, you're not so perfect because clearly she thought she was above him. Courtney Carrion said that she was very honest with the experts about what she wanted and what she was opposed to. Most of the contestants from S1 have said the same thing. On their wedding day, I think Heather freaked out, and I think she thought about backing out, but opted to say, I do, hoping that things would turn out well. Like Ashley (absolutely one of the worst people I've ever seen on this show) from last season, I think Heather is grabbing the smoking situation as her way of getting out of the marriage. It's easier to say, I can't stay because he smokes as opposed to, I can't stay because I'm not feeling attracted to him or because this was really a mistake. Honesty is important and I hope she does own up to what she's really feeling. Jason & Courtney and Jamie & Doug have been successful at keeping their marriage together for many reasons, but the main one is their commitment to staying together and making things work, and their ability to communicate, even if at times they have gone about things the wrong way. I think Lillian and Tom are a great match because they seem to be committed to the process, and if Sonia and Nick learn to open up and talk to each other, I think they will make it work. Heather comes across as judgmental, immature, and her unyielding personality is probably the reason why she's remained single and if that doesn't change, she will remain alone. The fact that Derek smokes pot doesn't bother me, but would I date someone who does? No. I'm not into recreational drugs and I would never date anyone who used them. Does the fact that he smokes pot makes me think that perhaps he's not a good person? No. He seems to be a nice guy and expresses himself very well. I like that he said he was looking to grow and learn and that says a lot about him as a person. Perhaps being on this show will help Heather see she needs to work on herself.

just2relax wrote:I would not be able to live with someone smoking pot everyday.  That said, Derek's words make more sense to me.  That was the past.  Let's move on.  Heather is completely able to move on.  She does not know how to move forward.  They need to have a real conversation, to see if he is willing to stop smoking so much (it appears that he is sober later in the week).  What is she doing to make the relationship work? I don't see anything.

I have to agree. I would never date someone who smokes pot, but I think Heather should have said she wasn't OK with him smoking if she really wasn't, or if she felt it was getting out of hand, she should have approached it in a more mature manner. He seemed to be willing to stop in order to make her happy, but I think she had already made up her mind about not giving him a chance at all. It's a shame because I think they might have worked out had she been more open to communicating.

pandorasbox wrote:I had hoped Derek and Heather would work out, but after the last episode, and seeing her reaction to his smoking (not knowing it was pot at the time), I felt that if the relationship fell apart, it would be her fault. I think he did a good job in trying to talk to her when he returned to the room, but Heather's inability to express herself without coming across as accusatory and judgmental caused more frustration and nothing got resolved. My feeling is, if Heather is opposed to any kind of smoking, recreational drugs, drinking, etc., she should have been honest and made that a deal breaker. Had the experts known her feelings, they would have never matched her with Derek. Derek pointed out that she drinks a lot, but he didn't automatically assume she was an alcoholic because she was enjoying too many cocktails during the honeymoon. I'm glad he said that to Heather. It was his way of saying, you're not so perfect because clearly she thought she was above him. Courtney Carrion said that she was very honest with the experts about what she wanted and what she was opposed to. Most of the contestants from S1 have said the same thing. On their wedding day, I think Heather freaked out, and I think she thought about backing out, but opted to say, I do, hoping that things would turn out well. Like Ashley (absolutely one of the worst people I've ever seen on this show) from last season, I think Heather is grabbing the smoking situation as her way of getting out of the marriage. It's easier to say, I can't stay because he smokes as opposed to, I can't stay because I'm not feeling attracted to him or because this was really a mistake. Honesty is important and I hope she does own up to what she's really feeling. Jason & Courtney and Jamie & Doug have been successful at keeping their marriage together for many reasons, but the main one is their commitment to staying together and making things work, and their ability to communicate, even if at times they have gone about things the wrong way. I think Lillian and Tom are a great match because they seem to be committed to the process, and if Sonia and Nick learn to open up and talk to each other, I think they will make it work. Heather comes across as judgmental, immature, and her unyielding personality is probably the reason why she's remained single and if that doesn't change, she will remain alone. The fact that Derek smokes pot doesn't bother me, but would I date someone who does? No. I'm not into recreational drugs and I would never date anyone who used them. Does the fact that he smokes pot makes me think that perhaps he's not a good person? No. He seems to be a nice guy and expresses himself very well. I like that he said he was looking to grow and learn and that says a lot about him as a person. Perhaps being on this show will help Heather see she needs to work on herself.

You are brilliant... ITA

I don't know. It would be a deal breaker for me but I'd never marry anyone at first sight. I don't find him all that attractive (especially his voice) even apart from the smoking. It's possible that Heather felt the same way and pounced on the smoking as an easier way out. She's certainly not perfect either. She's very reserved and does appear to think she's above it all yet she still got involved in this show. This is nothing like Jamie from season 1 who wasn't attracted to Doug in the beginning but began to appreciate his personality on the honeymoon.

I had no idea that they might be a fill in couple. I didn't hear about anyone dropping out. Is that true? It would explain a lot because they just don't seem to be suited for each other at all imo.

albean99 wrote:I don't know. It would be a deal breaker for me but I'd never marry anyone at first sight. I don't find him all that attractive (especially his voice) even apart from the smoking. It's possible that Heather felt the same way and pounced on the smoking as an easier way out. She's certainly not perfect either. She's very reserved and does appear to think she's above it all yet she still got involved in this show. This is nothing like Jamie from season 1 who wasn't attracted to Doug in the beginning but began to appreciate his personality on the honeymoon.

I had no idea that they might be a fill in couple. I didn't hear about anyone dropping out. Is that true? It would explain a lot because they just don't seem to be suited for each other at all imo.

I actually think they are very similar. If Heather had stopped keeping track of his flaws and had addressed her major issue, they might have a chance.

Isn't it funny that even though they are all being supportive, the guys are on Derek's side

While I am not a Heather fan... I do have to defend her tidying up the hotel room, she lives a good chunk of her life in hotel rooms.

I want to comment on what Ruqibabe says; they're being supportive of Derek - we see what they want us to see. They select the clips to make us sympathize or vilify on command.

It is interesting to hear there was a cancel and the Derek/Heather wedding was later - Like Neal & Sam last season - there goes my theory that they have multiple couples and pick the three best. Darn!

Living in Seattle (coming from Alaska) it is interesting to hear the comments about pot. The prevailing attitude in 420 friendly areas likens its use equal to having a drink. I don't partake and would say no, it's not okay in a partner. But there are non drinkers that won't date a drinker and those that don't mind drinking in their partner.

Pot smokers don't think what they're doing is wrong, not even in states where it is illegal.

Ali_R wrote:While I am not a Heather fan... I do have to defend her tidying up the hotel room, she lives a good chunk of her life in hotel rooms.

I want to comment on what Ruqibabe says; they're being supportive of Derek - we see what they want us to see. They select the clips to make us sympathize or vilify on command.

It is interesting to hear there was a cancel and the Derek/Heather wedding was later - Like Neal & Sam last season - there goes my theory that they have multiple couples and pick the three best. Darn!

Living in Seattle (coming from Alaska) it is interesting to hear the comments about pot. The prevailing attitude in 420 friendly areas likens its use equal to having a drink. I don't partake and would say no, it's not okay in a partner. But there are non drinkers that won't date a drinker and those that don't mind drinking in their partner.

Pot smokers don't think what they're doing is wrong, not even in states where it is illegal.

A response to my intial comment, Nick and Tom are supporting Derek on twitter. I am not talking abt the editors. I could post links/tweets but i don't think it's necessary.

The production/edit objective is to get people to tweet and post and talk about who's right, who's wrong, etc.

But honestly, I just refuse to be a pawn in that sport where it is 100% clear that the participants in the show/experiment were ripped off -- they were not in fact scientifically matched to anyone compatible. Tinder could do a better job, LOL.

The premise of this show has become a Dare to do the Ridiculous -- marry a stranger in the context of reality TV -- and no longer has any defensible tether to the original (Danish, US Season 1) premise of "trust experts to match you".

^^ jlccaz -- good post. I enjoy reading what you post, always have. You are the voice of reason IMHO.

jlccaz wrote:The production/edit objective is to get people to tweet and post and talk about who's right, who's wrong, etc.

But honestly, I just refuse to be a pawn in that sport where it is 100% clear that the participants in the show/experiment were ripped off -- they were not in fact scientifically matched to anyone compatible. Tinder could do a better job, LOL.

The premise of this show has become a Dare to do the Ridiculous -- marry a stranger in the context of reality TV -- and no longer has any defensible tether to the original (Danish, US Season 1) premise of "trust experts to match you".

You think the producers would instruct Tom to like tweets    calling Heather an hypocrite. Hmmmm. I think we are giving the produces more kudo than they deserve. JMO..

BTW I follow the producer that was in charge of Derek and Heather on twitter and instagram. She is close friends with Heather.

This is my problem with Derek, he is smoking an illegal substance. Plus, how did he come across this drug? Did he purchase it illegally? Did he purchased the drugs in Florida then carried them illegally to Puerto Rico or bought them illegally in Puerto Rico?  I wouldn't be happy either if I was tied to someone who had no regard for the law in this way.