Bachelor In Paradise Australia - Season 2 - Episodes - *Sleuthing Spoilers*

Bit late to the party this ep but adding my recap anyway, otherwise I'll have to give work my full attention and we can't have that on a Monday morning

Opening scene: The girls are having a totally-spontaneous-not-staged gossip session on the daybed.  Shannon says she's not interested in Davey anymore, as if she wasn't bawling her eyes out and begging for him to be brought back 4 episodes ago.  

Ivan is whining about getting dumped.  Jules and Bill are looking anaemic.  I presume that's tan zinc cream on their lips, otherwise perhaps a vampire visited the set during the night and drained all the blood from their bodies.  




In jogs Davey.  Alexnation, realising where the camera will be pointed, runs in his general direction and shoves herself in his face.  Davey is "locked on Flo".    I have no doubt this was set up from the start but I like these two together to I'm looking forward to watching them hook up.  

Flo is on a date with Canadian Daniel and it is clear he's not man enough for her.  At one point she calls him Deacon.  Back at camp, Alexnation and Bill bond over their mutual admiration of Tenille's bum.  Tenille bends over, and the editors are forced to implement the black bar.  It's actually pretty funny.  




Ivan takes Alisha off to see if she can help him hog tie Tenille and throw her into back into his white van chat.  Alisha asks him what he thought about Nathan saying he wanted to explore things with Tenille.  She assumes Ivan knew about their conversation.  His face quickly tells her otherwise.



Oops.

Ivan takes Nathan off to stab him in the kidneys chat.  Ivan asks how Nathan thinks it's acceptable to talk to Tenille.  Nathan is scared.  Ivan looks like he's going to punch Nathan in the head.  A producer appears to break the fourth wall and diffuse the tension.  Ivan skulks off.  Wow.  What a dick.



Source: Tenplay

Daniel & Flo return hand in hand.  Flo sees Davey and Daniel ceases to exit.  She gets all giggly and they hug.  It's super cute.  There is clearly some off-screen history between these two IMO but I see genuine affection here so not going to be cynical.

The Flo & Davey reunion we've been waiting for #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/nWeOPAi2S6

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 28, 2019

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Flo launches into a recap of her time so far, while the editors dub over Davey's internal monologue.  It's hilarious.  "She's so, like... Dutch", he says. 

A saxophone plays. Davey kisses her to shut her up and TPTB gives them F1-esque music.  It's by far my favourite moment from two seasons of BiP AU.  

Kudos producers and editors for going full cheese with this one.

YES YES YES #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/fV7dJTsdsq

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 28, 2019

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It's pretty clear IMO that these two are, shall we say, familiar with each other from the outside world.  Can't see them ever being in a serious relationship but they look very comfortable and I get the impression they have fun when they get together.



Source: Tenplay

Caroline likes USAlex.  He says he feels like they're "getting along too well too soon".  Huh?  "I'm not a fan of sharing my private life with others", says the man on a reality dating television show.  

"I've dated people for months before I kiss them", he says, and now I know he's completely BSing us.  Having apparently now set some kind of scene, he kisses her.  I think we're meant to be pleased but I feel a resounding "meh".  

Mack takes Zoe off for a supposedly-romantic chat.  It's awkward AF.  "I think there would be a possibility of compatibility between you and I", he says.  He lists her good qualities as if she's applying for a job on his Taco van.  Meh.

Ivan is still sulking.  Bill goes off to have a bro chat with him.  Ivan does. not. get. it.  Bill asks Tenille to go talk to him.  Tenille doesn't want to, because she's a rational human being and Ivan is a scary controlling man child.

You go girl. #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/625nTarpN9

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 28, 2019

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Next morning, a date card arrives, and it's Tenille.  "Anyone but Nathan", asserts Ivan.  Tenille cowers.  She's SCARED of how Ivan will react.  She talks in code with Cass about taking Nathan.  Cass practically screams YES GIRL DO IT.





Source: Tenplay

She does it.  Everyone applauds.  Nathan's excited.  They have fun.  It's cute.

Could you get a better looking couple? #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/FfRTSuzF3L

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 28, 2019

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The producers seize the opportunity to get rid of Ivan the Psychopath and announce a rose ceremony.  Ivan gets on a paddle board and heads back to AU.  

Just Ivan, paddlin' all the way back to Melbourne #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/vYebAudSvq

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 28, 2019

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Back at camp, Cass starts grilling Richie about where they're at.  That doesn't seem like a good idea.  Richie is concerned about long distance.  His wording suggests this holiday romance is drawing to a close.  

Tenille and Nathan come back from their date.  It's pretty clear where Tenille's rose will be going.  Ivan panics.  He has to stay to he can stalk Tenille and make her life miserable.  He attempts to crack on to Caroline.  



SO AWKWARD.    

"If you have to ask, it's not the moment", replies Caroline. "F*&% OFF" would also have been an acceptable response. Richie takes Cass aside and lets her down gently.  Cass gets it.  She's sad but understanding.  Aww.

Oh Cass #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/mBsuuFoZVT

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 28, 2019

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Richie leaves.  Cass tells the rest of the group.  Everyone gathers round to comfort her before Alex-effing-nation takes her aside. Alex pretends to comfort Cass but basically uses it as an excuse to try to make Richie look bad.  

Urrrgghhh I can't STAND her!  A full transcript of Alex's speech to Cass is provided here for your convenience: "Me, me me mee me me, me ME, me me mee me me.  Me, me me me, me me me.  Also me."

Rose ceremony

Flo - Davey
Alex - Bill
Alisha - Jules
Shannon - Connor
Tenille - Nathan
Caroline - USAlex
Zoe - Mack

Ivan goes home and everyone breathes a sigh of relief.  I'd be concerned for his future girlfriends but I think having this broadcast on national television should ensure he's given a WIDE berth by any sane Australian woman.

Very apt summation of Alexnation’s chat with Cass 
Alex will 100% be gunning for Bette next year now that she’s had a reasonable edit this time round

Dirty Street Pie wrote:Very apt summation of Alexnation’s chat with Cass 
Alex will 100% be gunning for Bette next year now that she’s had a reasonable edit this time round

I agree Alex will be gunning for it but she's got zero chance of being Bette IMO.  I think the producers saw an opportunity to use her for some girl on girl action and a showdown with Richie, but I doubt we'll see her again.  Alex as Lead would be worse than Ali IMO and I don't think they're quite that stupid.  

Tenille on the other hand, I could definitely see her being offered the role.  Nathan has had a great redemption edit (second only to Alisha IMO) and I think they'll be together at the end, but I can't see them lasting post-show. Wouldn't be surprised to see Tenille as Bette 2020 and I think she'd be great.  

Alex as lead would be the bridge too far for me, lucky, that as you say there is 0 chance of that happening. I hadn’t thought of Tenielle for Bette, she certainly brings the boys to the yard, so if they announced far enough in advance they might get a few applicants.

Bobette wrote: Flo is on a date with Canadian Daniel and it is clear he's not man enough for her.  At one point she calls him Deacon.  

Important revision: apparently Flo called Daniel "Canadian Dickhead", not "Candadian Deacon". My mistake.

Dirty Street Pie wrote:Alex as lead would be the bridge too far for me, lucky, that as you say there is 0 chance of that happening. I hadn’t thought of Tenielle for Bette, she certainly brings the boys to the yard, so if they announced far enough in advance they might get a few applicants.

Women like Alex baffle me. Do you think she is oblivious to what a dolt she is? She appears to revel in her passive-aggressive abilities and is so self serving. Ick meter = 10.
By contrast, I find Tenille fascinating. Beauty and brains in equal measure. Could definitely imagine guys wanting to apply for her season. Very high caliber woman.

Ep 11 and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yay.

Alisha carries Jules across camp to a daybed. I think it's getting to that stage where everyone's going a bit stir crazy.

Couple goals #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/dmS8d9oKyy

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 30, 2019

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Mack can't understand why he hasn't been getting dates, clearly not realising that being "the guy who doesn't get dates and can't understand why" is the only thing mildly entertaining about his position on the show. Mack is the MOT of paradise.

Elora arrives. She reminisces about that time she and Simone practically fought to the death over Apollo. They show footage of Apollo oiling his nipples and anyone who hasn't watched season 1 immediately rushes to www.bachelorarchive.com to see if it's available to watch for free (good news - it is! )



Alexnation's "me me me" alarm sounds loudly and she runs - literally RUNS - to where she knows the camera will be pointed.



Such a desperado.

Everyone comments on how sexy Elora is and they're not wrong. Elora says she's here to "play the game". Meow.

"This chick just oozes sex" The fiery Elora launches into Paradise #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/dZqHC8Zgu1

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 30, 2019

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A date card arrives and TPTB get Mack to announce it. He says again how much he wants the date, how he's never had a date, how other people have had multiple dates on this show and he's never had one ever.

The date goes to Elora

The girls intimidated. Flo has "opinions" about Elora and shares them in classic Flo fashion Elora chooses Alexnation which is both predictable and stupid considering the boys are the ones handing out the roses...

Their date is a ride on an airboat followed by a picnic. Elora says she's "always had a crush on" Alexnation. Nope. Not buying that for one second sorry. Alexnation on the other hand is lapping it up.

Alex says she's thinking about kissing Elora and we hear the stirrings of F1 music in the background, but since TPTB have already ticked the box of a same sex kiss there's no need to carry the charade further.

Alex says she's solid with Bill and Elora pretends to be disappointed.



Source: Tenplay

Back at camp, people are kissing.




Davey comments that "they're probably fondling each other". Flo isn't sure what this word means so Davey demonstrates with his fingers and suddenly the later timeslot for this episode seems like a really good idea...



Source: Tenplay

Shannon and Clark Kent Connor are bickering on the daybed.  I'd almost forgotten they're still there.  He says she's too closed off.  Seems like they're headed for splitsville but I haven't seen enough of them recently to care.

The girls come back from their date.  Bill is happy to hear that they didn't kiss.  Alex says being with Elora made her miss Bill more and he says the same.  He says they're "stronger than ever".  

*Eye rolling intensifies*

Elora tries to rustle up a rose.  She makes a play for Nathan but he just wants to run back to Tenille.  Connor keeps mentioning there's "things in Shannon's past" that she refuses to open up about.  

I feel like I should know what he's talking about but I don't (did I miss something?).  Shannon says maybe she's not meant to fall in love and looks like an adorable French schoolgirl who's lost her puppy.  Awww.

Aw Shannon, we love you #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/Jij8NdUMPJ

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 30, 2019

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A date card arrives.  It goes to Jules and Alisha.  They get the best date so far IMO - high tea in the middle of the ocean.  Seems to me TPTB realise J & A are their only shot at a happy couple and are throwing everything they've got at them.



Unfortunately, Jules didn't get the memo.  Alisha explains - in a very articulate and endearing manner - how she's feeling.  She's still looking for some solid reassurance that Jules is actually into her.  He gives her nothing.

Eventually she spells it out for him: "What do YOU think of Alisha and Jules?", she asks.  "I think it's weird", he replies, and "I feel like moving forward under an umbrella of ambiguity would be best for us".

Jules certainly has a way with words #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/WfuZxxTBZm

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 30, 2019

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"I don't think that's going to work for me", says Alisha, and then gives us more of those genuine feels she's been dishing out all season.  What an unexpected pleasure it has been watching her on this show.

"We're sort of really good friends that make out a lot"... what does this mean for Alisha & Jules? #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/Upj0LOqjlM

— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 30, 2019

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